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Magellan Circumcised The World With A 40′ Cutter

And other funnies…

Yup the Times has the latest university level exam howlers. The complete idiocy of our race knows no bounds. Martin Luther lead the 1960s US civil rights movement (quite a multi-century career that German preacher had), the French Resistance used the internet during the war. The Times Link to the TES is bust but I Googled and found these:

Business studies bloopers –

1. Describe the term “stakeholder”

A vampire hunter. Buffy was the most famous one.

2. Explain what “sole trader” means

It means that person has sold their sole to the devil*.

3. Explain the term “free press”

It’s when your mum irons your trousers for you.

4. Assess ABC plc’s choice to locate its fashion business near Birmingham.

Don’t do it. People from Birmingham aren’t very fashionable.

5. John’s net pay is £150. His deductions are £38. State one mandatory deduction from his pay.

Beer.

Geography:
Q. Explain the meaning of the term “pastoral farming”

A. It’s a farm run by vicars

Q. What scale do seismologists use to measure the force of earthquakes?

A. A very strong one, not made of glass

Q. Explain the word “migration”

A. A bad headache

Q. Define the term “shanty town”

A. It’s a place where people like their beer with lemonade in it

Q. Name the smaller rivers that run into the Nile.

A. The Juveniles

I guess I ought to own up to my own epic fuck-up. It was doing a contour integration and I got the real and imaginary axes of the argand plane the wrong way round. OK, that’s not as amusing as the above but then complex analysis is not generally regarded as a subject for hilarity. It might be amongst mathematicians but the least said about their sense of humour the soonest mended. “And you know what? He only knew the decimal expansion of pi to 5 places!” is very rarely the punchline to side-splitting humour.

*As one myself that’s disturbingly accurate. Well not so much the Devil – more HMRC who are much, much worse.

7 Comments

  1. “It was doing a contour integration and I got the real and imaginary axes of the argand plane the wrong way round”

    *Shakes head ruefully* You muggins you…

  2. Pa Annoyed says:

    Why did the mathematician call his dog “Cauchy”?

    Because he left a residue at every pole.

  3. Nick M says:

    That is terrible PA. That is appalling. You should be ashamed ;-)

  4. Daphne says:

    What’s a contour integration?

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