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First they came for the birthday parties…

Scandanavians used to be Vikings. They used to row longships and eat raw cod and hit people with axes. They used to wench* and trade and quaff (like drinking, only you spill more) and fight and rape and pillage**. They used to have names like Ragner Hairy Britches*** and they were, in short, hard bastards who knew the world was a tough place. They used to believe in Valhalla: a perpetual barney, piss-up and hog-roast (sounds like Stockport on a Saturday night to me). Now they believe in…

this. I am almost lost for words. Oh, just fuck me backwards with a set of North Korean crimping tongs already. Just read the whole thing. It’s beyond fisking, parody or rational belief.

The Swedes would appear to have a People’s Commissar for Children’s Birthday Parties. What sort of adults will such children become? What about the highs and lows of dating? Are they gonna now ensure equal-rights for the obnoxious and ugly for that too? Or jobs. Thick, lazy, we don’t discriminate!

It’s my birthday in September and you’re all invited. Which reminds me. I must invite Robert Mugabe. It would be unfair otherwise…

“It is their duty to reject any forms of insulting behaviour. To eliminate individual children from parties is not acceptable.”

This, of course, is where Sweden is headed. An Equality of Shite and an Empire of Dirt.

*And their shieldmaiden’s were a bit feisty too…

**Not that I’m condoning it or anything… But it must’ve been fun. “Sven, there’s this bunch of… “monks” I think they call themselves over on Lindisfarne and they’ve got a shed-load of gold and that and get this… They believe in this fella who got nailed to something or such… so they don’t fight at all”. “Riiight! Olaf, you get the lads round and we”l get goin’ after I’ve finished this horn… No! Brunhilde, I’ll see you by Midsummer Eve because right now I’ve got a pillage-on”.

***Who came to an unbelievably sticky end at the siege of Dublin.


  1. CountingCats says:

    What a vile act by the teacher.
    Utterly foul.

  2. RAB says:

    It is their duty to reject any forms of insulting behaviour.

    And confiscating an 8 years olds birthday invitations and sending the case to Parliament isn’t insulting behaviour?

    This is utterly insane!
    But the worrying thing is that 44% agree with the teachers action.

  3. NickM says:

    Yup, RAB. Well. I dunno how the survey was worded. But of the two kids excluded one had had a “falling-out” with the “birthday-boy” and the other hadn’t invited him to his party.

    Cats, it’s worse than that. It’s syste-fucking-matic. It’s not that it’s vile. It’s that it is even considered at all and when done the teacher isn’t called a twat and kicked for it.

    If the Swedish Parliament can’t find anything better to do than discuss kiddies birthday parties and the eternal cake / jelly dilemma then perhaps they ought to…

    I won’t go there but suffice to say the bears at that picnic wouldn’t be Teddies.

  4. NickM says:

    “Excluded” I mean “Not invited”. I’m slipping into their lingo.

  5. WalterBoswell says:

    Hardly first. First they imposed their will in the workplace. Then places of leisure and recreation. Now it’ll be the homestead.

    Nick M – I was under the impression that Ragner Hairy Britches shed his mortal coil in a snake pit somewhere in England.

  6. NickM says:

    Maybe, Walter. I was working from memory. I’d heard the Irish captured him, slit him open and made him walk around a tree winding his bowels around it.

    The important thing is that he came to an end.

    They already have entered the home. Just Google “pre-pregnant”…

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