Having agreed with a French feminist I feel the need to cleanse myself with a spot of end of the pier smut.
having lunch eating a packet of Rowntrees Fruit Gums and drinking pomegranate juice with carbonated Tesco Value water whilst watching Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes on ITV3 today and I was struck by a commercial…
It was one of those ads for mail-order clothing of the sort bought by side show freaks too ashamed to go into shops. You know the sort of stuff – Sizes 18-30*. Now 18 I can easily picture but 30 is definitely muumuu, wash yourself with a rag on the end of a stick territory. This company also offered lingerie to bra-size 56L! 56L!! 56L!!! That’s not lingerie, that’s… heavy engineering**. I mean that’s the kind of bra that would be commonplace if the bra was the invention of Isambard Kingdom Brunel. You could safely leap out of an aeroplane holding one of those above your head. An entire homeless Haitian family could be accomodated in one cup whilst the clowns of Fred Carno’s Circus could drive their collapsing jallopy to humourless applause around the other. Snow White could feed all seven of the dwarfs with knockers like that and she wouldn’t even need to sit down***. I mean I tend to think of D as busty but L is way past the duggulent. God alone knows what a bra of that size needs to be made of but it’s got to be another one of those technological spin-offs from NASA.
Which only leaves one question really. Who makes such enormous bras? I think I might have an idea though…
*That’s UK dress sizes.
**For some reason whenever I think about it I hear in my head the Imperial March from Star Wars.
***Easter egg scene on the Region 2 Anniversary Special Edition DVD box set.