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My wife is upset with NatWest.

They cancelled her credit card. Why? She was using it “suspiciously”. Was it a wire transfer to a shady drug-baron in Colomobia? Nope. It was a 20 quid top-up to Vodafone. Send for Mr Sherlock Holmes because Inspector Lestrade surely can’t cope with such a veritable Napolean of Crime! Now the reason she used her credit rather than debit card is that the Vodafone webshite requires an issue number which NatWest debit cards don’t have anymore and haven’t had for years. The NatWest geezer was also rather snotty about the whole matter and whilst the card has been re-activated he warned that if she behaves in such a reckless manner again they’ll do the same. How shoddy is that? I mean me and the missus are educated, bright folks and if we are going to attempt a fraud it will be of truly Madoffian proportions and not a twenty quid top-up on Voda-fucking-fone. Which reminds me… NatWest is part of RBS and getting a ticking-off from them over “suspicious transactions” is like being lectured by Adolf Eichmann on the evils of genocide. I mean how very dare they? They are so far down in the hole they are about to surprise some sheep in New Zealand. And yes, all at our expense. I don’t recall exactly how much Gordoom bunged them to keep the reckless fuckers in the game because if I did I’d have to quantitively ease a traffic cone into Captain Darling’s rectumnal passageway. And what I’d do to Ed Balls doesn’t bear contemplating though he’d wind-up Balls by name but not by nature at the very least. Although that might be a blessing for him considering the horrendous NeuArbeit bint he is married to.

I’m upset with my alma mater. Or at least what it has been reduced to which is pan-handling.

I got a letter today from Nottingham University. Apparently they are going to have an undergrad phoning me “in the next few weeks” so I can set-up a direct debit of a tenner a month. This is one of the world’s top 100 universities and it’s clearly on it’s uppers. WTF went wrong? Nottingham has huge numbers of foreign students paying top-whack. Seeing as the King of Malaysia got his LLB there is even has a campus in Malaysia as well as one in China* in addition to the three in the East Midlands. The only reason I can think of why they are so desperate is this dreadful government cutting science funding and Nottingham is essentially a science-based university. Sapientia urbs conditur and all that. God almighty! The fuckeration that has been made of UK education by these morons is beyond endurance. It’s worse than that, it’s beyond parody. They are going to force the Russell Group to go fully private and that’s the end of any realistic chance anyone but rich kids have to get a top-notch university education. Magic! And that will be entirely the fault of the deranged twin ideas that everyone needs a degree and any degree will do. Oh, and do click over on the link to the Wikipedia article on the Russell Group. It is the cut in science funding is it not? It’s gotta be. Bastards. And this from a government which claims to be obsessed with “equality”. Cunts. Bear in mind these fuckers have pitched us out of the Cassini mission to Saturn to “invest” the cash on five-a-day co-ordinators and associated wankers. Yeah, the same twatulent fuckrings that nearly closed Jodrell Bank ‘scope for the want of three million quid (aka a nanobailout) a couple of years ago. If they had done that I would have personally done something of Afghan cruelty and Chinese inventiveness to a dishonourable member. And I do mean member. Gordoom would never smile again. Seeing as he never has smiled it would, alas, be no great loss to him and possibly a blessed relief for Sarah.

It’s not just that the country is as broke as a Grecian Urn chucked from Blackpool tower. This is distinctly politically motivated. This is an attempt to break the Russell Group and it’s terrible “eliteism”. It’s because these universities haven’t played nice and let in the unwashed masses regardless of their A-level results in the name of a faux-equality of uniform mediocrity and media studies (the last I heard – and this was a while back – so I guess it’s got worse – this nation produces four times as many graduates in media studies as physics). The Labour Party just can’t cope with the fact that they have bollocksed (or Ed Ballsed-up if you prefer) state education to the extent that a very large proportion of the intake into the Russell Group are foreign, privately educated or went to the few remaining grammar schools. It really boils their piss. The flaw is not with the Russell Group, it’s with the schools but this government is so deep in denial about that that it’s currently scuba-diving through Cairo.

Read this and weep tears of blood. One in four schools in this country can’t “do” A-Level Physics. In the land of Newton, Maxwell and Dirac! I agree with the IOP – GCSE dual award in “science” was the thin-end of the slippery slope. They’ve done the same with languages. For the same reason. They is hard innit? Cunticulatedbastardingarseholingfucktards that they really are. Come the revolution there will be so many fuckers up against the wall we’re going to have to ship ‘em to a certain wall in China.

*I’ve seen pictures and it’s odd because it’s a copy of the University Park, Nottingham campus which is just bizarre in the context.


  1. Roue le Jour says:

    re card stopping, this has happened to me a couple of times. An algorithm has been triggered that is looking for stolen cards. For all we know, using a stolen card to top up a phone may be a common occurrence, making it suspicious. Card companies change the thresholds all the time so the thieves can’t say, “as long as you stay under twenty quid, you’re OK.” Your wife just made a slightly unusual transaction at a time when the thresholds were low.

    You just ring them up say the card is still my possession, I’m looking at it now, please turn it back on. All they have to do is ask you a couple of security questions and hit enter. There’s no need to engage the drones in conversation, and certainly no reason for them to be the slightest bit snotty over what is a perfectly normal circumstance.

  2. CountingCats says:


    Are you upset about something?

  3. The Twisted Fire Stopper says:

    Don’t get me started on fucking banks!
    Had the grim task of going with my mum to pay for my old mans funeral at the undertakers last week. Obviously, she’s a little bit emotional at the minute, and her state of mind wasn’t helped when her card gets declined- a shock as she’d transferred funds from her savings account for just this purpose. We nipped down the road to her branch to sort it out, and met with a complete fucking idiot, who kept trying to assure my old lady that it was done to protect her from card misuse, as her account doesn’t usually see much activity like this ( I declined from saying that I’d get her to pay for a few more funerals, just so we could build up a bit of a trend)
    They then started trying to get her to upgrade to a different type of account, so she got a better interest rate for her money- I kid you not, I nearly kicked off- anyway, to cut a long story short, they were dicking about with her card, saying it would take an hour or so to get it unlocked, they were very sorry, blah, blah, all in her own interest, blah, blah. I made a command decision, got her to withdraw all her money, and we went to the undertakers and paid cash, then went down the road and opened a new account at a different bank.
    Banks, I fucking hate ‘em.

  4. NickM says:

    Yes, I am. I very much doubt anyone with a blog is completely hunky-dory with the world. Blogs run on electricity and bile in equal measure. From renewable resources of course.

  5. Stonyground says:

    We have Britannia Mastercards. Their procedure is to give you a bell on your mobile if a suspicious looking transaction pops up, just to check if the card is still in your possession and that the transaction is legit. This of course is less safe that putting a block on it but a damn sight less inconvenient.

    It was a while since this happened so this information may not be up to date.

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