Muammar Gaddafi (for that is one of them) has really jumped the shark this time…
He’s declared jihad on Switzerland. Apparently over the minaret-ban. Well, I’m sure there are certain aspects of Ukrainian planning law I would find obnoxious so I’m calling for Her Majesty’s forces to plan an all out assault on Kiev because it is the inalienable right of every true-born Englishman to build a mock-tudor mansion in Dnipropetrovsk. Not that I wish to particularly but it is the principle and we must fight for our principles! Churchill knew that, Thatcher knew that and now you know that. I’m also annoyed about not getting my Subway franchise in Pyongyang so North Korea - you’re havin’ it too! Me and Ross Kemp are going to kick your Great Leader quite hard up the arse ’till he cries like a girl. Well, when Mr Kemp is free from his filming schedule with Sky anyway.
It is the low point in a relationship that has been deteriorating since 2008 when Colonel Gaddafi’s son Hannibal was briefly detained in Geneva after allegedly beating his servants.
Hannibal Gaddafi! In anycase your son being “briefly detained in Geneva” is one hell of a slim justication for war. I mean when we declared war on Germany in 1939 it was to prevent a mono-testiculated lunatic from enslaving an entire continent. It’s a question of proportionality really.
“Any Muslim in any part of the world who works with Switzerland is an apostate, is against (the Prophet) Muhammad, God and the Koran,” Colonel Gaddafi said at a rally broadcast on television.
Has Gaddafi thought that one through? At a very vague guess I would suspect that a great many of the potentates, despots, kings, princes, sultans and Mohammed Al-Fayed’s of the Muslim world have very important dealings in Switzerland. He’s going to be about as popular as a rug-burn with that lot over this.
It was not clear how he wanted Muslims to target Switzerland. “The masses of Muslims must go to all airports in the Islamic world and prevent any Swiss plane landing, to all harbours and prevent any Swiss ships docking,” he said, apparently unaware that Switzerland does not have a merchant navy, or coast.
He’s flipped his lid completely here. Clearly Gaddafi has seen aeroplanes. Big, enormously powerful things. Trying to prevent a couple of hundred tons of metal moving at high speed from landing is… Well you’re gonna come-off a lot worse than the jet. There is a word for trying to stop an Airbus or Boeing from landing by standing in front of it - it’s suicide. I mean if you tried it with my wife’s Vauxhall Corsa it’s A&E or the morgue. Try it with an A330 and it’s a DNA job. Especially if one of those big tubofans ingests you. Let’s not dwell on that possibility.
As to the action against the Swiss merchant marine… I almost soiled myself. You know what’s gonna happen don’t you? At the height of the Motoons of Doom “protests” I espied a number of hot-heads burning Swiss flags because they couldn’t tell the difference between them and Danish ones. The same arseholes are now going to be “protesting” Danish shipping docking. Well an ISO container on your bonce is gonna smart.
He made clear that Switzerland, “an infidel, obscene state which is destroying mosques”, was at the very least an ideological enemy.
Gaddafi has clearly not just completely lost the plot but the plot has been shredded, burned and filed in HMRC, Longbenton in an underground toilet cubicle behind a sign saying, “beware of the cameleopard”. He really is upping the ante in the “utterly mad bastard” division. Mugabe, Charvez, Dinnerjacket and Comrade Kim are just going to have to seriously up their games if they are to remain contenders. I mean that’s champagne lunacy. That’s true exhibition stuff. That’s up there with Idi Amin at the height of his powers. It’s good to see that after a spell on the bench following a minor infection of common-sense that the North African is back on World class form delivering the utter insanity that was always his trademark. Truly the come-back kid!