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And she’ll have fun, fun, fun…

… Till her Daddy the judge takes her T-Bird away.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Trooper Gary Dunick said. “If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot … who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, ‘Nothing will ever beat this.’ Well, this takes it.”

If that weren’t enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.

Well, to be fair to Ms Barnes, in a very real sense she wasn’t actually driving.

I shall pass over the fact that her ex was “driving” her to see her new beau from the passenger seat whilst she shaved her pubic hair. Except to shout, Jerry!, Jerry!, Jerry! because it gets better…

The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver’s license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months’ probation.

But the heck with the law (or any form of common sense)! She had her date and her ex was prepared to steer whilst she intimately groomed in the driver’s seat (huh?). The question that really springs to mind is how she could control the pedals whilst trimming? She wasn’t using cruise control or something? Bloody Hell!

Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.

Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.

Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.

“She jumps in the back seat and he moves over,” Dunick said. “It was like the old comedy bit, ‘Who’s on first?’ ”

Burns on Judy’s chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel did not deploy, he said.

Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.

Barnes faces a maximum of a year in jail if found guilty of violating her probation due to the wreck, Dunne said.

“My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there’s a funny side to this, but it’s also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this,” Dunick said. “It is unbelievable. I’m really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys.”

From here.

I don’t think I can comment further except to say the Keys are a bit mental (generally in a cool way). Let’s have a musical interlude whilst you digest the full screaming idiocy of what must rank as about the most insanely bizarre RTA I have ever heard of.

Debbie Harry was born in Florida BTW.

6 Comments

  1. Pogo says:

    I thought that a couple of the comments were quite inspired…

    “It’s Bush’s fault”…

    “So it’s true what they say about the perils of “deforestation.” “..

    :-)

  2. NickM says:

    Hell, Pogo! I didn’t get the Bush one. That is good! Cheers.

  3. Steve says:

    Many years ago I knew someone who worked in car insurance. He said it was not unknown for claims to be put in by and for front seat female passengers who suffered cut knees as a result of broken glass injuries (apparently from a shattered windscreen) as the boyfriend/partner drove one handed.

    Every scar has a story…

  4. mike says:

    Not even slightly surprised. I see worse than that once every couple of months or so. At this point I must restrain myself lest I stink this place up with a few too many road-horror dumps.

  5. As a former member of the Blondie fan club (circa 1979) may I just say that I didn’t know that T-Birds was on YouTube.

    Ta for pointing it out …duly favourited. :-)

    Oh, your article? Excellent. It’s jaw-dropping what can happen in Florida. US news aggregators tend to have a tag for such silliness. Floridians are to the yanks what the Irish have historically been to the English, humourwise.

  6. [...] the government fighting a war it can never win. I mean what driver education could have prevented this accident? A modicum of common sense could have prevented it but then we all know that is something less [...]

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