Counting Cats in Zanzibar Rotating Header Image


Cats recently posted the Jib-Jab US election video featuring Senator Obama astride a Unicorn farting rainbows. Now I love Jib-Jab but there was something about that video that puzzled me and I’ve only figured it out now. Obviously it’s satire so the elderly, hawkish McCain has his age and militarism exaggerated. But with Obama I see no exaggeration. In the section where he is upon the technicolourly flatulent horn’d pony and spouting about “change” he actually sounds exactly like Barack Obama. The man is impossible to satirize because he’s done it himself already.

I am a news-junkie, quite interested in politics and a profound Ameriphile. I ought to know what Senator Obama stands for. I knew (vaguely, as a kid) what Walter Mondale stood for (the 1980 US election is as early as I remember in US politics apart from my Dad saying a rude word about a Georgian peanut farmer). Everyone knew what Ronnie stood for. George H W Bush and Bill Clinton were not exactly closed books to me either. But I have no idea what Obama is about. I also have no idea why he’s created such a media fuss. Some US politician last century (forget who) was asked on the stump about his economic policy and replied, “At this stage in the campaign giving a speech on economics would be like pissing down my leg – a nice warm sensation while it lasted”.

At some point, obviously, it isn’t about policies, it’s about character and who you trust with the launch codes but policy is an issue and I have no idea where Obama stands on anything.  I mean, OK, he’s a Democrat so that gives a vague clue but other than that what does he believe? I have no idea. If you trust Oprah, Obama is a great orator. He might be personable, even charming but a great orator actually has something to say. The true test of an orator is whether or not the speech matters after their demise. I can imagine people reading Churchill or MLK and being inspired a hundred years from now. I can even imagine people still reading John Kennedy calling himself a doughnut but Obama?

I mean Obama is a great orator who… Can you think of an Obama quote a soundbite even? There is nothing. He might be black but he writes white. Not only is there no substance but there isn’t even any flair or rhetoric or anything. There is a constant mantra of “change” and that’s ya lot. It is so thoroughly meaningless as to be beyond parody. Let’s say I plan on change. Well, change what and change how? Change my hair? Change my socks? Change sex? Buy a Mac? What exactly am I changing?

In the October/November of 2006 I was in the USA and Obama was all over the telly like a rash. Obama says this, Obama does that, Obama gaps his spark-plugs, Obama is a breath of fresh air in the US political sphere. Except he isn’t. He’s nothing. He’s a suit full of bugger-all, a cipher, a zilch. I understand why he’s often seen as a Manchurian candidate or a crypto-muslim or an anti-white racist. He is all things to all people and because he is nothing he can be construed as everything. He can be the heroic first black president and he can be the worst nightmare of right-wingers. Of course what he really is a vacuum and whilst nature might abhor vacuums modern politics adores them. He reminds me of Dave Cameron in this respect. Although Cameron is smarter.

I recall in the 80s Ronnie getting repeatedly slagged for his gaffs and for the fact that he wasn’t exactly a great actor. The later I always thought was a bizarre criticism. Of course he wasn’t a great actor so he switched his talents to politics, D’Oh!. He had though, at least had a proper job before becoming head-honcho at the screen actors guild and then Governor of California. What has Obama ever done outside of politics? He was a lawyer and “community organiser” whatever the fucking hellski that is. Ronnie might have been acted off the sound stage by a chimp (twice) but at least the acting profession is one that you don’t have to draw a diagram to explain.  I have no idea what a community organiser is or why anyone who attended Columbia and then Harvard would do it. Unless they were a bit thick for proper law and yes, I do think Obama is not the sharpest tool in the box.

I suspect America’s Obamania is just weird. It reminds me of the derangement in the UK following the demise of the Princess of Wails. Totally irrational. Obama is no more the saviour of the USA than Diana was the most beautiful woman in the World (TM). I’m struggling for terms of reference here. I really don’t know, towards the end of this post, how to begin. Except, Obama is a celebrity and by using that term I am poring scalding hot sulphuric acid on him. I cannot really comment further but I can drag-up two comparisons. Back to Diana. Amidst the utter embarrassment of our collective grief (TM) (I was sorry for Diana but the idea of people who never met her rending their garments was obscene. Well, I thought it obscene. I have no idea what her sons or her other family thought of it). It reminded me of the vicarious pleasure of watching utter shite on the telly like the moronically obnoxious Jeremy Kyle or Eastenders. It reminded me of Oprah who is championing Obama (obviously) because he’s black and moreover because he’s just as vacuous as she is. It is emoting without emotion. It is bollocks with no balls behind it. Obamania, the Diana phenomenon (am I the only Brit under forty who finds the grainy Pathe news-reel of the cranes on the Thames bowing as Churchill’s funeral barge passed infinitely more moving than the schlock-fest over Diana*). Vacuous I say but Obama’s biggest fan has a better word for it. He’s a vayjayjay. That is exactly Obama. I say “vagina” and Oprah says the abysmal, baby-talk drivel that is “vajayjay”. I shall skip a cheap “Obama is a twat” reference because he isn’t even that. He’s a vajayjay. He’s meaningless babble and baby-talk.

*In a letter to a broadsheet (not a tabloid) someone opined that Diana would now be in Heaven with Mother Theresa. And they would talk about what exactly? The Versace show in Milan? Catholicism? The potless dead and the dying?


  1. Sunfish says:

    I have no idea what a community organiser is or why anyone who attended Columbia and then Harvard would do it.

    The what: Obama led people in pestering Chicago to do asbestos remediation in a CHA project (think ‘council estate’) called Altgeld Gardens. He also badgered the city to open a ‘youth summer jobs office’ because there previously wasn’t one in the southern third of the city.

    The why: There are two basic ways into politics in large American cities. If you have a connection to a current office holder, you start by working in their office as an intern or receptionist or the guy who pushes colored pins into a street map so that The Hon. Joe Fatenvelope knows which potholes need filled and so forth. Or you can walk into some political party and start working their phones and pushing doorbells for them. Or you can join some ostensibly non-partisan group (in Chicago, they’re usually aligned with various Democrat factions, which are divided along lines related to family, ethnicity, or personality cult, rather than ideology) to make a lot of noise about some issue or another in the hopes that voters will hear you squawking and remember your name.

    I also don’t think he’s an empty suit. People don’t run for this level of office without having a reason, even if the reason isn’t something they admit to. I think he has the same (pathological) need to be admired and loved by total strangers that Bill Clinton had, and probably some of the same lust for power that pretty much all politicians have. Although he probably thinks of it in terms of wanting to help The People(tm) and having the wisdom to direct their lives so that they don’t make the mistakes that they’d make if they didn’t have his guidance.

    By which I mean he’s an arrogant, fascist jackass.

  2. Sarah, etc. says:

    Excellent points all. And I need to add: first-rate narcissist and marxist. Obama’s not about anything so far, because he’s all about himself, and making the people of the US dependent on the government, i.e. him. Those things alone are frightening enough. Add the freakishly brainwashing charisma he displays and it’s like a nightmare. I have to constantly remind myself to wake up.

    Also: I am a … a profound Ameriphile.

    That makes me so happy! I didn’t think there was such a critter.

  3. RAB says:

    There are several of us of that persuasion dear lady!

    I was drunkenly borrowing canoes from the American Legion before the young shaver above was born! (well we thought they wouldn’t mind at the time!)

    As to Obama.
    Like you Nick, I havent been paying that much attention to Obama.
    I was an anyone but Hillary man myself.

    Well looks like we have a mr anyone!

    A gut feeling tells me he will lose to McCain though, despite the fatigue that America is suffering with Republicans.

    This in the Mail today.
    I blow hot and cold over Melanies pieces but this is pretty staight down the line.

    Still ,at this distance, we have the myth and charisma of JFK coming up again.
    Cant anyone look at his actual record and put that one to rest?
    We vote on fantasy not reality, and it has been that way for a very long time.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: