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Instructions

Had to go to Sainsburys today. Get stuff for a BBQ and also a new microwave. Well, on the way in they’ve erected new “road safety” signs. The quantity of signage on Britain’s roads and the ever varying speed limits surely cause accidents by being a constant distraction from, you know, the road and other traffic users and trifles like that.

Anyway we’ve now got:

BEWARE Pedestrians

It made me think of safari parks that did. You know where you have to keep the windows up and the baboons rip your wipers off.

Then there was:

Young Drivers THINK

I’m sure they do. Mainly about how bloody awful driving up the A6 is these days. Anyway what’s that meant to be about? Are you meant to think because there may be boy racers around or are the young drivers meant to think? Buggered if I know.

Finally there was:

Don’t become a statistic

Right, I’ll cite that when I tell them where they can shove their poxy census form next year.

So, get to Sainsburys and that’s OK. Decide on a microwave with grill and convection so we can replace the little oven that is bust (if there is one thing I’d change about this house it’s the itty bitty kitchen). It’s a Sanyo and once I unpack it and actually read the manual it’s very poorly translated which was a shocka for an outfit like Sanyo and the bloody thing is seriously complicated. It’s like trying to decipher someone else’s C++ code with the remarks in Serb-Croat. I shall get there eventually. Afterall I got Vista to work. Oh, and the Sainsbury’s trolley helpfully suggested that I use the small compartment at the front for “flowers or baguettes”. Alas no compartment for combi-ovens. They didn’t think of that did they?

Anyway, in the Sainsbury’s carpark there was the final bizarre sign of the day. This was on one of those hoppers for shoe recycling (what do they do with them?):

Attempting to climb into this bin may result in injury.

Anybody with a morbid desire to climb into a bin of discarded shoes gets what they deserve in my book. Who would want to do it anyway? Has anyone tried? Have security ever had to yank out the kicking legs of someone devoured by a recycling bin?

Sainsburys are offering 30x440ml cans of assorted beers and ciders (mix-and-match) for 18 quid. Not for much longer I fear. The thing that struck me is that nastiness will put a crimp on Christmas and wedding dos and all sorts for people – especially the poor. I hate these neopuritans. I guess it’s just the same reflexive meddling that resulted in those road signs being put up.

20 Comments

  1. nbc says:

    Sainsburys in Newbury has been renovated with a new shopping floor upstairs, and access to it is mainly by escalator.

    From the number of recorded warnings to “stand still and hold the handrail” and “prepare to push your trolley off the escalator”, Sainsburys must think that us poor luddites in Berkshire have never seen a magic moving walkway before…

  2. Chuckles says:

    Cheaper and better quality at Lidl. As long as the toxics in London are notionally in charge, you have lost.

    Road signs? Well until you understand about nuking them from orbit, it’s a bit irrelevant, isn’t it?

  3. YorkshireLad says:

    There’s a belter in Halfax town centre “BEWARE PEDESTRIANS IN ROAD”.
    You might know its to preserve drivers from having blood, gore and vomit over their car bonnets when they strike a piss head staggering about from one bar to another.
    Personally, my reply is “Then get fuck out of the way”

  4. CountingCats says:

    I hate these neopuritans.

    What’s neo about them? Strikes me they stretch back in an unbroken chain to the year dot.

  5. NickM says:

    CC,
    I dunno. I guess it has a lot to do with the way the world has changed and therefore “issues” have changed*. Also, I suppose, when I look back at my own life this movement has gained a momentum it never had in the 80s and 90s. Compared to, say, fifteen years ago we were much less bombarded with this stuff.

    And to be flippant these ones don’t wear such stiff collars and are so delighted to be invited to their gay friends’ civil partnerships yadda, yadda, yadda.

    Related to me being flippant is a huge shift. These days it is openly antagonistic towards Christian belief of any form.

    Essentially both are about adhering to cultural orthodoxies, but involve different cultural orthodoxies.

    *Though one way or another the basic idea that they are just narked by the idea that someone else is having fun remains.

    Anyway, Cats – thanks for asking and sorry for a less than a full answer because I feel a post coming on this.

  6. Woman on a Raft says:

    Sorry to tell you this about bins and, you know, legs and that.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/sussex/8560441.stm

    There is also this one, but it has somewhat different circumstances.
    http://arbroath.blogspot.com/2010/04/extreme-dude-dies-in-wheelie-bin.html

  7. NickM says:

    WOAR,
    So he was Brahms and Liszt… And daft. So a sign would have stopped him?

  8. JuliaM says:

    I always have to stifle a giggle at the three – count ‘em – signs on the fire door in my local Sainsbugs saying ‘THIS DOOR IS ALARMED’….

  9. Diesel says:

    JuliaM, perhaps you should have told the manager he needed to stand next to said door, going “there there, calm down, its all going to be OK”

    Yorkshire Lad, thats why I drive a Land Rover with a bloody great steel bullbar on the front. Bodywork undamaged, just need to jetwash the front every now and then. Plus its a V8, so it really pisses off the Righteous (™Leg-Iron), as well as providing a fantastic soundtrack

  10. Pavlov's Cat says:

    Although the sign probably wouldn’t have helped this Darwin Award candidate, it obviously would need to be in about 53 other languages to be sure.

    Man suffocates to death after falling into clothes recycling bin

  11. TDK says:

    The thing that struck me is that nastiness will put a crimp on Christmas and wedding dos and all sorts for people – especially the poor.

    Not so sure, especially for the poor.

    We know some people in Belle Isle, Leeds. They didn’t buy any booze at the supermarket. Some enterprising neighbours travel to the continent regularly, stocked up and sold the excess to their friends and neighbours. If the price of alcohol at the cheap end goes up then it just encourages the black economy.

  12. Lynne says:

    On a more lighter note I was driving across County Mayo a few years ago and was approaching a bend in the road. There was the ubiquitous warning sign giving notice of the bend and underneath was one word – slow. As I approached the bend there was another sign. This one read – slower. :D

  13. NickM says:

    Pavlov,
    I should have known…

    TDK,
    Yeah, probs, magic. Perhaps they just want to criminalize people for doing normal things? Waht do I mean “perhaps”! And it’s such a pain in the arse compared to just going to ASDA.

    Lynne, that reminds me of a story.

    Richard Wagner is walking through the town square when he hears an organ playing one of his tunes slightly too fast. So he goes over to the grinder and informs the fellow. A few days later he makes he takes the asame walk and hears his tune again, this time being played at the correct tempo and notices that the grider also now has a sign up proclaiming that he is a “Student of Richard Wagner”.

  14. Roue le Jour says:

    Didn’t we already do this experiment? I’m sure I remember reading that some council removed all the clutter to see what happened and accidents went down.

    NickM, did you used to be a Christian, then?

    I have a theory about religion, which I shall now proceed to bore you with. To remain relevant, a religion needs the brightest of each generation to interpret the teachings in a contemporary setting. As our brightest go off to laboratories to poke the universe with sharp sticks, or worse, enter the service of Mammon, Christianity is dead on its feet. As a synthesis of Greek philosophy and Hebrew theology it can be a beautiful thing. It’s unfair to judge it by some of the utter prats that claim allegiance to it.

    parishioner: “Remember in the old days father, when the clever son went into the army and the idiot into the church?”
    Ted: “Oh, yes.”
    Dougal: “You’ve a brother in army, don’t you Ted?”

    Love the Wagner story, that has CMOT Dibbler all over it.

  15. NickM says:

    No Roue,
    Heathen all me puff. I just find the shifting sands of bansturbation interesting in the same way Holmes might remark to Watson that, “This case is of singular interest”. My point is Christianity is by and large in any traditional form seen by the proggies as reactionary whereas Islam or Buddhism aren’t and that is just because these belief systems are new to this country so they must be good. Of course they aren’t new but they seem so to the revolutionary cadres who are so blinkered. Did not El Tone himself call the Qu’ran a “remarkably progressive book” or some such? They structurally cannot understand the difference between political and religious belief. And yes, I mean “belief” in the strong sense of the word in both cases. Witness George Galloway claim that socialism was just Islam without God… Total and utter failing of a socialist to understand that God tends to be at the focus for religious people. It’s essentially about seeing truth in a different way – about seeing truth in terms of utility rather than what actually is.

    As to your theory… That needs some time but basically, for myself, I don’t knee-jerk connect (as do others) the likes of televangelists (say) with the broader religion. They certainly do not seem to follow the example of Christ. Jihadis on the other hand…

    Much of the left though see the social control structures of religions as ways to remould society after their own ends (think – erm- it’s bloody hot today – whaddya call them Marxist priests in Latin America?) and they increasingly think that because after the fall of the Berlin Wall their own religion is a dead duck.

    RlJ – keep coming back on this. It’s just so hot and turning into a post.

    PS I hadn’t thought of CMOT Dibbler but oh yes! It’s there. Thank you that’s delightful.

  16. Bod says:

    Pace Mrs Nick

    Counting Cats in Ankh Morpork.

  17. Roue le Jour says:

    I would hope that Christianity was reactionary. State collectivism is evil precisely because it considers itself above good and evil. The promotion of Islam by socialists I think has nothing to do with socialists finding any merit in Islam, it is simply using Muslims to create division, as it does with gays and smokers.

    “It’s essentially about seeing truth in a different way – about seeing truth in terms of utility rather than what actually is.” I would agree with that, but is it the pious man or the politician who is seeing what actually is?”

    The Jesus who brought not peace but a sword, who praised those who abandoned their families to follow him, because he was the only way to God, was a swivel eyed ten-a-penny nutter who would, no doubt, have approved of jihardis. Luckily we also have the more compassionate Jesus who told the story of the good Samaritan and asked who our brothers were, had time for innkeepers and whores, and who said “let he who is without fault cast the first stone.” He’d be spinning in his grave, if he had one ;).

    As to Marxist priests, I guess the Church, like any commercial entity, will not look to closely at the salesman closing deals. The left is normally too smart to see the Church as anything other than an enemy, and quite rightly. Good only counts if is the product of free will. Compulsory charity is no charity at all. You can only do good if you are free to do evil, and we know what the state thinks of people being free.

  18. NickM says:

    Roue,
    Not for the first and, I hope, not for the last time that’s too much to simply reply to :-)

    Expect a post on the subject sometime soonish. I have lots of stuff I must do.

    I was talking about truth/utility in the context of having recently read a number of George Orwell’s essays. Got to re-read them and a bit of Borges (actually I know him pretty much by heart) and stuff and we shall see. But it’s gonna be a big post.

    As to charity. Was it not Rouseau who talked of, “forcing people to be free”. And JJR was a supreme cunt by all accounts.

  19. Voyager says:

    Roue le Jour “I’m sure I remember reading that some council removed all the clutter to see what happened and accidents went down.’

    Indeed – several places have tried this with, what appears to be, some success. Search for Hans Monderman and ‘shared space’

  20. John B says:

    It is in your hands.
    You can treat reality as you want.
    That is the way it should be.
    Growing up teaches one not to treat reality with contempt.

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