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How Very Different…

… from the home life of our own dear Camerons.

Jacob Zuma, prez of the RSA, is a class act all round.

Nompumelelo Ntuli Zuma is said to be pregnant with Mr Zuma’s 21st child, but the allegations have raised questions over the baby’s paternity.

Well, yeah, 21 is seriously going some. Hasn’t Mr Zuma got a day job?

A letter from “concerned family members” of Mr Zuma, claiming that one of his three current wives had cheated on him with Phinda Thomo, one of her bodyguards, was sent to the Zulu-language newspaper Ilanga.

Mr Thomo is understood to have since committed suicide, although a South African police spokesman refused to comment on the claim.

Yeah, when someone accidentally beheads themselves with a machette the cops don’t want to comment. I mean he was offed for doinking the prez’s third wife wasn’t he?

Mr Zuma, who returns to South Africa on Saturday after a state visit to India where he was accompanied by Mrs Ntuli Zuma, is said to be “furious” over the allegations.

Sources close to his office said the claims were false and designed to embarrass him ahead of the launch of the World Cup on Friday.

“The reports appear to be part of an ongoing and malicious campaign to undermine the right of the President and his family to privacy and dignity,” said a statement from the Presidency.

Mr Zuma, 68, has been married five times.

Earlier this year he acknowledged that he had fathered a child with the daughter of Irvin Khoza, his close friend [still?!] and the chairman of South Africa’s World Cup organising committee.

During a visit to London in February, during which he met The Queen, he lashed out at British newspaper reports which branded him a “sex-obsessed bigot”, demanding that “my culture should be respected”.

I was very friendly with a white South African girl who lived over here on a “working holiday” visa. She was terrified by the pace of change back home. I am beginning to understand why. Something she once said to me is really hitting home. Most people over here thought of apartheid era South Africa as being blacks and whites. It was never that simple of course because of tribal loyalties but one of the things T worried about was the number of official languages getting protected status. It had been something like Afrikaans, English, Xhosa and Zulu but it leapt to I think fourteen. I thought little of it at the time other than, “that’s gonna make a tax form complicated” but what it really means is that the new Rainbow Nation actively embraces and facilitates tribalism and that is the last thing Africa needs. I think we need a little light relief as a potentially rich nation descends into mysticism and tyranny (well Comrade Bob managed it in Zim – they have billionaires there who can’t afford a bottle of Coke). How about a look at the mating customs of my own continent from an American perspective…


  1. john in cheshire says:

    The words apartheid and untermenschen spring to mind. not in an unpleasant way.

  2. Brian, follower of Deornoth says:

    “Hasn’t Mr Zuma got a day job?”

    He probably has. The 21 children are the night job.

  3. RAB says:

    Ah yes, Zuma is the genius who thinks that sleeping with virgins will cure AIDS (well he would think that, wouldn’t he?)

    Good to know the most powerful Nation in Africa is in safe hands once again.

  4. Chuckles says:

    Big noise Zulus tend to peg the Alpha Male Meter at the eleven end of the scale, and it is seriously not a good idea to annoy them. Holding a grudge does not even begin to describe it.
    Probably find something like – ‘Mr.Thomo was shot 37 times in the back. Police say it is the worst case of suicide they have ever seen.’
    Old Zulu proverb – ‘If the result looks like Mr. President, it’s hereditary. If it looks like Mr. Bodyguard, it’s environment.’
    Others could say that is because he has been too busy doing to the country what he should have doing to his wife.

    And perhaps we should remember this old tale –

    An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.

    ’’I’ve never been better!‘’ he boasted. ’’I’ve got an 18 year old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?’’

    The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, ‘’Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.’’ The doctor continued, ‘’So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?’’ the doctor queried.

    Dumbfounded, the old man replied, ‘’No, what?’’

    The doctor continued, ‘’The bear dropped dead in front of him.’’

    ’’That’s impossible!‘’ exclaimed the old man. ’’Someone else must of shot the bear.’’

    ’’That’s kind of what I’m getting at,’’ replied the doctor.

  5. Sam Duncan says:

    Nobody thought it could happen to Zim. But it did. Now “nobody” thinks it’ll happen to South Africa. And it will.

    And just in case there are any lefty lurkers about, no, it’s not because they is black. It’s because they is socialists. Thick (that is, especially thick) socialists at that, as evidenced by your man Jake there. There’s no shortage of their type in Europe. Just Google “Eurozone”.

    (Actually, we need a better way to describe these sorts of people. While socialism leads to disaster, it’s not just socialism that’s the problem here. Or there, even. I’m drawn towards “political smartarses”, but that would probably include PJ O’Rourke and even ourselves. Someone – was it IanB? – talked about “economic creationism” a while back. “Socioeconomic creationists” fits the bill – they think they can just decree that something will be so, order everyone around, do what they like, and all will be well – but it’s a bit cumbersome to work into a good rant.)

  6. Roue le Jour says:

    I’m not sure they really are socialists, Sam. What the emerging nations have learned from western governments is that if you want to steal someones money, by far the best way to do it is to claim it’s for the collective good. Can’t blame ‘em for being quick studies.

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