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I’ve been undressed by kings and seen such things

But until recently I have never watched such epic wank that is the BBC’s “101 Ways to Leave a Game Show” before. I thought “Hole in the Wall” was dreadful shite (More Sh’ite than Qom) and indeed challenged that ultra-cunt Edmond’s big money box-opening game. But tonight on BBC3 I watched a bunch of fucking numpties being dropped off a fucking oil rig in wheelie bins. It was champagne, exhibition Pontipineishness. It was thorough Iggle-fucking-Piggle. I’d rather be rimmed by Great Uncle Bulgaria than sit througn that exploding colostomy bag of utter shitteration again.

At least Bulgaria would sweeten the deal with a reach around.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that libertarians dislike the BBC. Keep that shit up Auntie and there is no way on God’s clean Earth (or even Satan’s filthy one) that you have a fucking hope of justifying yourself as making the sort of “quality TV” that commercial channels couldn’t because simply (and something is telling me this wouldn’t be simple) inserting a vuvuzela up a capuchin’s ring-piece would result in more imaginative progamming.

The howling. It would haunt me.

I have neither the monkey nor the trumpet but I have sufficient funds in my bank to cover both. Though contributions to the court costs would be appreciated. God alone knows how I could mount* a defence. So, Nick you buggered a monkey with a plastic trumpet and how do you plead?

And enough left over to visit a glory hole in Wimbledon frequented by Tomsk would be nice.

Hung like a fucking baboon is Tomsk. I shall caress his monsterance of a furry cock with loving care.

I also have an idea for Dragon’s Den.

But that can wait.

*Perhaps not the best choice of word in the circs.


  1. JJ says:

    BBC? Big Bloody Cunts!

  2. Lynne says:

    You…watched…BBC? I hope you’ve finally learned your nauseating lesson. Too much of that will turn you into a lefty wanker Grauniad reader. I’ll hafta start calling you Moonbutt. I’d rather not…

  3. NickM says:

    Nah, Lynne, the BBC makes me look to the right of Field Marshall Erich von Manstein. It makes George Patton look homosexual and into macramé. I have done some dreadful things after seeing “My Family”. Dreadful things.

    Not only were both Erich von Manstein’s biological and adopted father Prussian generals, but his mother’s brother and both his grandfathers had also been Prussian generals (one of them leading a corps in the Franco-Prussian War of 1870–71). In addition, he was closely related to Paul von Hindenburg, the future Generalfeldmarschall and President of Germany. Thus, his career in the Prussian army was assured from birth. – wikipedia.

    Ya don’t say! I mean he could have wanted to be a hairdresser!

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