I’ve been undressed by kings and seen such things…
But until recently I have never watched such epic wank that is the BBC’s “101 Ways to Leave a Game Show” before. I thought “Hole in the Wall” was dreadful shite (More Sh’ite than Qom) and indeed challenged that ultra-cunt Edmond’s big money box-opening game. But tonight on BBC3 I watched a bunch of fucking numpties being dropped off a fucking oil rig in wheelie bins. It was champagne, exhibition Pontipineishness. It was thorough Iggle-fucking-Piggle. I’d rather be rimmed by Great Uncle Bulgaria than sit througn that exploding colostomy bag of utter shitteration again.
At least Bulgaria would sweeten the deal with a reach around.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that libertarians dislike the BBC. Keep that shit up Auntie and there is no way on God’s clean Earth (or even Satan’s filthy one) that you have a fucking hope of justifying yourself as making the sort of “quality TV” that commercial channels couldn’t because simply (and something is telling me this wouldn’t be simple) inserting a vuvuzela up a capuchin’s ring-piece would result in more imaginative progamming.
The howling. It would haunt me.
I have neither the monkey nor the trumpet but I have sufficient funds in my bank to cover both. Though contributions to the court costs would be appreciated. God alone knows how I could mount* a defence. So, Nick you buggered a monkey with a plastic trumpet and how do you plead?
And enough left over to visit a glory hole in Wimbledon frequented by Tomsk would be nice.
Hung like a fucking baboon is Tomsk. I shall caress his monsterance of a furry cock with loving care.
I also have an idea for Dragon’s Den.
But that can wait.
*Perhaps not the best choice of word in the circs.