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Almost Scrobbled by the Rozzers

I was you know.

Just a few minutes ago.

I am grabbed on the arm from behind by a copper. He’d half-inched some kids down the road for smoking dope (truly The Crime of the Century!) and he sees me making off from the scene (aka walking home from the Co-op) and apparently he had called after me and I didn’t stop ( I get that – I was composing my previous post in my head – I hope entirely in my head!) so he ran after me and grabbed me and asked what I was smoking.

Nothing but harmless tobacco officer!

Anyway it is nice that your dear blogger, despite being nearly 37, gets mistaken for hanging with kids that couldn’t get served in the offie. I could show that Gok Wan a thing or two.

Frankly, I put it down to my Hawaiian dress. Well, not exactly. The shirt is Japanese/Indonesian and the shorts are Floridian. The shorts only cost me $20. A well spent note because they have caused moral outrage on at least two continents. My wife doesn’t allow me to wear the shorts with the other shirt I bought on Key West. She is wise. The combo would rip the spacetime continuum a new arsehole or something. Yes, I do look like I say and I am seriously considering getting a Flying Tiger on the back of my battered leather jacket. My look is moderately depraved Sabre pilot.

I’d only gone out to buy a 35p packet of paracetamol.


  1. Sunfish says:

    It was the shifty eyes. And the fedora with the fake dreadlocks sewn in. That was a dead giveaway.

  2. RAB says:

    I’d only gone out to buy a 35p packet of paracetamol.

    Yes how is the hangover coming along?

    Billy Wright used to say that he could just about handle the Beverley Sisters all talking at once, but if they started singing… ;-)

    You have to get sassier with the fuzz if you want to keep your self respect.

    The answer to the question “What are you smoking?” should have been…

    Marlbro Light Officer. But if you have anything heavier!

    The last police officer on foot patrol I encountered was about two years ago now. He was crossing the bridge on Montpelier station, and I said…

    Good heavens officer! just the chap, dont move a muscle, I will be back in two minutes.

    “Certainly Sir” he said “have you a crime to report?”

    “Not so much a crime but a miracle” I retorted. “The last time I saw one of you on the beat was five years ago. I only live 2 minutes away, I’m off to get my camera!”

    Can you believe it! He got quite shirty. Expletives were used. I could have had ‘im under section 5 of the Public Order Act if I had had a day or two to spare.

  3. PT Barnum says:

    Given your current anxieties about Wombles, are you sure it was only baccy and paracetamol? Or have I missed out on some newfangled YouthSpeak that your shorts have plugged you into?

  4. JuliaM says:

    “…so he ran after me and grabbed me and asked what I was smoking.

    Nothing but harmless tobacco officer! “

    Give it time. That’ll be a bigger offence than the pot!

  5. Lynne says:

    Rozzers are a strange breed. They can chase a guy for wearing questionable summer gear but they can’t arrest the greenie shit-for-brains tossers who have apparently closed down all of BP’s petrol stations in the London area and are demanding the company do what Greenpiss say – basically go out of business.

    Oh and Cameron, the pustulating, badly packed kebab that he is, has announced he is going to fight for Turkey’s membership of the EU. Something that Obummer stated he wanted on his visit to the Middle East last year. That must have been some pretty profound deep-tonguing Camoron did in DC. He obviously liked the taste.


  6. mehere says:

    The natural response: “I smoka de wacky baccy, ossifer” would of course have led you to a richer area of blogposting. Namely, telling us how the arrest system works, what the inside of a cop shop looks like, observations on how the magistrate was dressed, how the probation service is holding up.

    But you chose to pass on this unique opportunity. Oh well, there’s always next time you go to the co-op.

  7. NickM says:

    By what vague definition of reality does Obama have a call on who joins the EU? Not that I care. I mean the real issue is who is leaving… I mean Switzerland and Norway aren’t in the EU and both are thoroughly potless. Moreover my wife is a translator and gets paid from abroad and guess what? Working in the EU is not easier. What is the fucking point then? Not even the Eurozone makes it easier. She gets jobs in Danish sourced from Taipei. The whole EU concept is antediluvian. It’s like I’ve got a computer, I got broadband and I can work anywhere. Can someone please tell those numpties in Brussels how this century actually works?

  8. mehere says:

    Obumble might seem to have no claim on interfering in other nations, but he did allow Mexico to dictate what Arizona should and shouldn’t do (and it was mostly shouldn’t) in the face of being swamped by illegal immigrants. In the bright shiny world of the Great Non President not only is America open to any influence but he’d also like muslims to be happy round the world. Nasa, Turkey, not bothering Iran… he has it all taped.

    Cameron has emerged as a Future Great Arse of the UK in lots of ways but wanting Turkey to join the EU may well take the biscuit. They aren’t actually European but as we allow Israel into the Eurovision Song Contest, maybe the boundaries are a bit blurred these days. Still, having tens of thousands of new immigrants arriving here for the free healthcare will be fun… and from a country that routinely oppresses its own people. Sorry, I thought the Kurds were part of Turkey. Silly me; they just live there.

    As for the concept of the EU structure, they know full well which century they are living in. They are firmly in the 21st century, an era where large scale bureaucracy with a raft of regulations and endless impositions thrown in will ensure legions of ho-hums can be in kept in well paid jobs.

    Of course the EuSSR is antediluvian. I was told I couldn’t work with a teaching agency in in this country until I showed them my passport to prove that I am British. Oh wait, my national insurance number, medical records, birth certificate and so on aren’t enough. Nope, not at all. Apparently I had to show I was eligible to work in Europe because, hey, you never know when a polytechnic in Warsaw wants a part-time lecturer in computers.

    Yes the EU is a joke, but the bigger laugh is on us for us for not only buying into it but refusing to even think about leaving.

  9. John B says:

    “Yes the EU is a joke, but the bigger laugh is on us for us for not only buying into it but refusing to even think about leaving.”

    Mehere, “us” is a dodgy word that covers a multitude of confusion.
    “We” never did buy into it. “They” did and then confused us into thinking it was “us”.
    Sorry, it may seem like picky points, and very tedious, but it is the way that “they” get under “our” radar.
    Through those little gaps “they” create in reality by the use of concepts and language.

  10. Paul Marks says:

    I (having met you) know why he thought you were young.

    You are slim and have a full head of hair – you bastard.

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