When I were a lad we had this brand new subject called PSE (personal and social education) which nobody cared a toss about. Not least because it was entirely taught by the school numpties that we knew the head would never entrust with an exam class. Kids pick up on such things very quickly. Quite rapidly after I wrote doggerel into speech balloons involving the use of condoms PSE upgraded itself to PSHE (the “H” being for health). I think it still amounted to don’t shag Leanne because she’s a right slag and you’ll get Chlamydia. Well we didn’t need lessons to know that a girl who was aright slag and could manage 64 farts in 60 seconds in a tech drawing class was a slapper (I timed it – God help me!). Anyway, they are still on about (BBC News yesterday morning) the need for more sex education in what is now PSHEE – Personnel, social, health and economic eructation and “citizenship” is lurking round the block with menaces. Why?
Never did any good that I saw. Nobody took a non-exam class seriously. No teenager needs to be taught about sex. From what I recall we were very keen amateurs. A little known fact is that Americans are more likely to lose their virginity on the back seat of a car but amongst us Brits it’s a graveyard – well you guys have bigger cars and we have more dead folks. And more to the point (though there is a graveyard spitting distance from here and I’m 5’11″ so the Corsa is out) what is this nonsense about “more” sex ed? It is typical statist drivel hurling more and more shit at the wall and seeing how much sticks. Note they never say “better” just “more”. Well Mr and Mrs Ugg the cave-folks figured it out. We know this or I for for one wouldn’t be typing this tripe. Unless of course that moustachioed fanny mechanic Lord Robert Winston is on monkey glands and is 6453 years old or something.
Anyway, more sex education is merely more sinecures for PSHEE-ers. It will not make the blindest bit of difference (this is a feature not a bug to them) because of course it means even more shit can be thrown at the wall when all that needs to be said is what we all know anyway. Leanne might be hot and tight (just like prom night) but she won’t be quite so beguiling when she’s whelped a few pups and has a vulva like the top of a Wellington boot.
The great irony here is that I found sex very interesting in the context of the biology that I studied to university level. Fascinating branch of science. PSHEE – fail. I also found the practical elements of sex quite amusing.
Once, as a 16 year old, me and my mates were waiting for a bus. A siren call came from the bushes, “Eh lads you’re missing a reet treat coz me mate is having a piss round here”. Well Nick looks at Barney and Barney looks at Paul and Paul looks at Scott and no words are passed but we just leg it. I grew up in the North East and The Fat Slags are documentary and not cartoon. I have seen things you people would not believe and I am not talking about attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I have seen a bird fisted on the hood of a 1.6l Ford Capri. Not the V6 model – that would have had some form of class.
So, yeah, more utterly ignored sex-ed will do the trick. Absolutely.