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Time for some Impallin’

John McCain has done the smartest thing he has ever done since his Skyhawk went tits-up over Hanoi and he pulled eject. Barack Obama is now toast. They were even cooing over Mrs Palin on the BBC this morning.

John McCain might be an old git but Barack Obarmy chose another old git in Joe Biden (who on this side of the pond is best known for ripping off a Neil Kinnock speech – Fucking Hell! If you’re gonna steal at least steal from a winner).

Now whadda I think about Sarah Palin? Brass tacks time. 1. I could imagine having sex with her and that’s a frankly new phenomenon for a presumptive veep (though I did hold a candle for Walter Mondale). Does that matter? I think it does to the electorate. For every women who falls for Obama’s geeky charms (seen the ears on him?) two fellas will fall for Palin. 2. This means a Republican win which is not ideal but not the total fucking disaster that an Obamestration would be. 3. The biggest weakness McCain has is his age and that’s canceled. 4. The second biggest weakness McCain has is that he’s seen as too socially liberal. Palin isn’t. She is dramatically anti-abortion for example. For the Republicans to have a youngish woman making that case takes the wind out of Obama’s sails to a staggering degree.

Enough numbers already! I disagree with Palin on abortion but a great many US voters don’t and quite frankly it’s all pissing into Joe Biden’s tent which is good. But that’s only one issue. Palin wants to drill for oil in Alaska which is good. Palin doesn’t believe in AGW which is good. Palin is quite possibly the presumptive Republican candidate for 2012 and that is good. The extent to which the Dems have claimed to be the party of the “minorities” and the marginalised deserves a righteous kicking and Mrs Palin is the woman to do it (you recall women are a “minority”?). The Dems have spent over a year wittering on about how cool they were to have a barack fella* and a “woman”** in the race and quite frankly (to quote my Aussie Great Aunt) everyone has got “piggy-rotten sick of it”. Sarah Palin is the real deal though. And why am I not surprised? Can we please drop the idea that the left is kinder to birds and nig nogs? Can we please just drop that? That General Powell*** has at least a touch of the tar-brush and who followed him as Sec-State? And don’t even get me started on Maggie Thatcher.

I’d best wrap-up because this is degenerating into a rant. The short version is that the GOP has pulled the rug (who the fuck is Joe Biden anyway?) from under the Obamanon. John McCain will be three billion and one in 2012 but Sarah Palin will be 48 and God alone knows what placental anti-ageing compounds the Wicked Witch of the East will have to be using by then.

Oh hell! I’m supporting an old git and an anti-abortion creationist. I don’t even get a vote for fuck’s sake. But I hope they win because Biden is (frankly) a cunt of the first water and fucking fuck knows what Obama is. If the GOP don’t beat those pair of prize twats into the deck with a rusty Sear’s wrench then I’m moving to Amsterdam and calling myself “Jan”.

If you are wondering (as am I) about the title of this post then you ought to visit JibJab more often.

*Not a black fella. Obama stands for everyone who embraces hope and indeed change. I actually believe (shit that sounds like an Obamanism) there is some truth in the “Uncle Tom” taunts from such deranged bastards as Jesse Jackson. I mean Obama isn’t either black or white or indeed anything. He is a cypher. What he’s a cypher for is something I don’t want to find out. What the fuck was he doing putting his kids on the stage at the DNC? WTF was that about?
**Mrs Palin is clearly a woman. You look at her and think, “that’s a woman”. You imagine she’s got like tits and everything. That isn’t meant in a sexual way. I don’t fancy Mrs Palin. My point is that I could imagine fancying her. By saying she looks “like a woman” I’m saying she looks human. It’s a short version of saying she looks like a member of my species which is something that cannot be said for Ed Balls for example. Now look at Hillary Clinton in comparison and try not to think, “That’s Joe Stalin in a trouser-suit”.
*** Sorry for the appalling racist term that follows. I use it because I am fucked off with lefties claiming the likes of Colin Powell got where they did as the token nigger. No he didn’t. The US Army doesn’t appoint **** Generals on PC whims. The moment they do we is screwed.


  1. Sunfish says:

    Thanks to the joy that is insomnia caused by distorted adrenaline levels I had time to venture into enemy territory (Democrat Underground and some Hillary blog or another).

    The left thinks that they’re going to make a scandal out of her firing the head over AST over his failure to fire a state trooper. Considering that the trooper was to be fired over domestic violence (and being an all-around jagball), that will put the Democrats in the curious position of attacking her by defending spousal abusers. Oh, and they’re going to make noises about her being inexperienced and how it was only tokenism that caused McCain to pick her.

    That’s not a door that the Obama camp really wants to open, if they’re smart.

    So she’s a creationist. I’m not hiring her to be a teacher. I’m hiring her to break ties in the Senate and push the button on Iran if McCain has his grabber when Asmadasahatter kicks off.

    And would this be a bad place to mention that I think she’s teh hawt?

  2. NickM says:

    Well I’d fuck her (but not after you) if that’s what you mean.

    We need a hard-arse in the White House because Iran will cut-up rough and take Obama over the proverbial barrel. We need a former Skyhawk pilot and Mrs Palin. At some point in the near future some character is gonna have to erase Pakistan from the page of time and Sarah Palin fits my bill for that task. So does John McCain. We need (how can I put this decently, I can’t) a total cunt.

    The US needs us (you are the global 800lb Gorilla – fucking act like it!) We need it. We’re the global #5 (just behind China!) but you know we’re allies to die for.

    If the US goes in for one then we’re following. Because quite simply we’re mates.

  3. RAB says:

    She reminds me of one of those scenes in old Cary Grant movies
    when the plain secretary he has been ignoring for months, takes her glasses off and lets down her hair with a little shake…

    My god Ms Palin you’re beautiful!

    Never heard of the woman before the announcement, and dont agree with her on the same points as you guys, but he has chosen a real flesh and blood citizen, not a Beltway Drone.
    The first in donkeys years.
    I feel a twinkle of hope now, because the Election was boring me senseless!

  4. RAB says:

    Yowsa! finally got tickets.
    So that’s the Theatre Royal Bath tonight then.

    For a bit of a laugh by Allan Bennett, called, Enjoy!

    I’m sure I will.

  5. Nick,
    Great post. I wish I could generate that kind of passion for or against Gordon Brown, just to reciprocate.

    Allen in Fort Worth

  6. NickM says:

    Passion and Gordon Brown don’t live in the same paragraph, Allen.

    Why am I so contra Obama. I wasn’t you know. I thought he’d be a one-term loser who would not achieve (read not screw-up) anything whereas Hillary knows what she’s doing. But McCain is a fighter pilot and RAB is 100% right about Sarah Palin. The Tizona folks tipped me off to Sarah Palin and I had exactly that feeling. That “Oh, Mrs Palin you really are quite attractive you know…” This being a British film it would be followed by a lot of opening and shutting doors and embarrassment.

    But the point is Obama picks a boiler-plate beltway insider and McCain kicks his ass by picking someone I could imagine waking-up next to and not beating to death with a hammer on general principles. I don’t fancy Sarah Palin but it is not an impossible thought. That’s the point. She seems “real” in a way that the others aren’t.

    I saw Ted Kennedy at the DNC. What the fuck is Ted Kennedy? He’s “I had two very talented younger brothers you know who fucked Marilyn Monroe”. Yup, and you’re a fat drunk. I dunno it’s like Dave Cameron. Good looking but not attractive. Or to put it another way there isn’t a single person in the cabinet or the shadow cabinet (or the L-Ds come to that pretty pass) that either me or my missus would shag. Palin though has it and it’s called reality. She’s sort of the anti Tippa (is that a name?) Gore.

  7. NickM says:

    The reason I riff on Sarah Palin (though not when Mr Palin is around) is…

    OK. I pitch up in the US on honeymoon in late 2006 and Obama is over the TV like herpes. Two years later he still is. And the thing is he’s “young, good-looking and black”. Sorry, Jamie Foxx is “young, good looking and black”. The Obamanon is distinctly average looking. He is only attractive if you compare him to the pond-life around him. It is always the way with politicos. JFK was seen as a stunner and he just wasn’t. Compared to Lyndon Johnson he might have been but fuck me that’s setting the sights a little low!

    This is what I don’t get. We have understandably high standards for models, singers and actors but not politicos. I once met Dannii Minogue and she’s gorgeous. But she’s slightly less gorgeous than her sister and she’s been caned for it throughout her career. But there is no comparison between either Minogue and Gauleiter Jacqui Smith yet The Sun saw fit to publish a close-up of her cleavage at the dispatch box.

    Politics is how one gets on if one lacks intelligence, talent, morals or looks. There was a piece in The Times recently bigging-up David Milliband as some sort of Adonis. No he isn’t. I’m no Brad Pitt but I blow the Millipede outta the water. That’s my whole point. Sarah Palin is not the lady I want to make love to but compared to the rogue’s gallery of fuckers running for high office on both sides of the Atlantic she’s bloody dynamite.

    Example. The LDs over here realized that with Cameron in charge of the Tories they were getting nowhere with Ming the Merciless so they threw him under the bus and went for Nick Clegg instead. Me and the missus have an in-joke about Nick Clegg. He is about the most average looking bloke imaginable. He is in fact so average that my wife never recognizes him. If you contracted a fine artist to draw “average English bloke #1″ the result would look exactly like Nick Clegg The LDs probably think he’s George Clooney though.

    And here’s another thing. Clegg is an atheist. Clegg does not believe in God and this is apparently a big-deal because this is apparently a brave thing for a politico to say. Oh please! Most of the fucking country doesn’t believe in God. So fucking what? So Nick (M) what do you believe in? I’ll tell ya. It’s not like saying I’m gay or anything. I’ve been out of the agnostic closet since I was 8.

    I am coming out of a certain closet though. And I’m doing it right here and now. I am a 34 year old straight male who is generally considered attractive. And I mean generally attractive not politician attractive (aka not hideous). I am a sort of agnostic (details on approval) and I’m prepared for everyone with a ‘net connection on the planet to know this and I’m not being brave saying it.

    And for that reason I shall not be standing for office.

  8. RAB says:

    Ted Kennedy?
    You just want me to tell that old Jasper Carrot joke from long ago dont you?

    Ted Kennedy is getting interviewed by the American press.
    This back when he actually stood a chance of nomination (yes that long ago)

    Senator. Do you think that the Chappaquidick question will be an issue, in your run for the White House.

    Well I sure hope not
    But I’ll miss that bridge when I come to it.

  9. NickM says:

    RAB that is way before my time. Tedderick Kennedy has been a joke all my life. I recall ask my Dad about him and he seemed to be a joke most of his life too. But the true lifetime of Teddyish hilarity is Ted’s own. I can imagine Bob and Jack as kids saying. “Our younger brother is a fucking idiot so we’d both best not get shot”.

    How the fuck he got to be a senator (yes, I know) is beyond me. I’m just amazed the Dems still wheel the fucker out. Although I dunno. He seems a bit like Jesse Jackson. Someone who has made an entire career out of who he was standing next to 40 years ago when that person was shot.

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