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Chuckles loses the plot – epically.

The Prince of Wales says he believes he has been placed on Earth as future King ‘for a purpose’ – to save the world.

Giving a fascinating insight into his view of his inherited wealth and influence, he said: ‘I can only somehow imagine that I find myself being born into this position for a purpose.

‘I don’t want my grandchildren or yours to come along and say to me, “Why the hell didn’t you come and do something about this? You knew what the problem was”. That is what motivates me.

‘I wanted to express something in the outer world that I feel inside… We seem to have lost that understanding of the whole of nature and the universe as a living entity.’

And I thought he’d just been placed on this goodly Earth to ponce off the tax-payer, produce mediocre watercolours, wear a double-breasted jacket and desire to be a tampon. Not exactly Henry V at Agincourt territory is it?

His impassioned comments come during a film about his belief that unbridled commerce has led to the destruction of farmland and countryside.

The documentary, called Harmony, is due to be aired on the U.S. network NBC in November to coincide with the launch of a book of the same name by the prince.

I honestly couldn’t make this up. Personally I’ll be waiting for the 3D IMAX version. God almighty that sounds like it shall make “An Unconvenient Truth” look fun. And “unbridled commerce”? Oh, Jebus wept blood! It’s all those grubby little Northern industrialists making stuff in Dark Satanic Mills in Manchester is it not? Well, Chuckles we are not serfs any more. We don’t tug our forelocks to you and are very grateful for a jar of “Duchy Originals” chutney of a Christmastide. It’s fucking easy pal to despise commerce and industry when you own half of Cornwall and get money off the civil list to spend on organic jam and double-breasted jackets.

But the Prince has previously come under fire for hypocrisy over his eco-values.

Last year he commandeered a jet belonging to the Queen’s Flight to attend the Copenhagen climate change summit, generating an estimated 6.4 tons of carbon dioxide – 5.2 tons more than if he had used a commercial plane.

But you see Charles believes in the divine right of kings. He is on a mission from God just like the Blues Brothers or something. If you and me jet out to Majorca or Florida we are evil and getting above our station but Charles is not one of us. He is an agent of God or what the Russians would call a holy fool and what this blogger would call an epically well-chiselled twatter. We have had a King Charles who believed in the divine right of kings before. It didn’t work out well. And I swear on Maxwell’s Equations that if this profound cunt ever takes the throne I will be more than happy to swing the axe. It would be a mercy, really.

Critics condemned his words as ‘delusional’.

Graham Smith, of the anti-monarchy group Republic, said: ‘He is under the impression he has been sent to save the world and deliver us from our sins. It’s quite delusional.

I think Mr Smith demonstrates another great British tradition – understatement. It is in truth not “quite delusional” it is three stops from Dagenham. It is insane. What does Chuckles think he is? Some form of Avatar of Krishna? He certainly don’t look it. He looks like a thick upper class twat in a double-breasted jacket. Christ almighty he really doesn’t look like Neo from the Matrix trilogy does he! I’m kinda reminded of David Icke who believed himself the re-incarnation of Buddha, Socrates and Christ and was put on this planet to save it from reptilian aliens whilst wearing a turquoise shell-suit. Well as some wag put it at the time, “Icke [a former goal-keeper] saved fuck-all for Coventry City”. If I want a hero I want Clint Eastwood in a poncho or Bruce Willis in a dirty vest or Jackie Chan twatting people with a step ladder. If I’m on a budget I could go as low as Jean-Claude Van Damme but that would be pushing things.

‘He will have to be impartial and keep his mouth shut when he’s king. If he really believes this is his mission and he disagrees with Government in future, he risks plunging us into a constitutional crisis.’

Except he won’t. He can’t. He believes. He is absolutely not going to shut-up, live in a palace, kill critters up at Balmoral and open the odd factory and say, “So you’re an electrician, what do you do?” to the proles. He is a dyed in the wool cunt. He ain’t about to change. Because he knows he is right.

Senior royal aides denied the prince was attempting to mould his public image and pave the way to ensure a positive legacy.

They stressed Charles also cared passionately about his other royal duties, such as defence.

One said: ‘In private he has dismissed talk of legacies – that’s not for him to say because it’s for others to judge. But hopefully his charities will carry on for many years to come.

‘He has said there is a reason why he’s in a position to raise these issues – that there is some higher power. But there is more to his role than just green problems.

‘It’s true that outside royal duties, the environment is the thing he cares most passionately about.’

In a trailer to the film, the prince spoke passionately about his decades-long quest for what he described in a statement as ‘a sacred duty of stewardship of the natural order of things’.

Fucking Hell! The natural order of things. Wow!

Read the whole thing here. It is awesome. It is exhibition Chuckles. It is in the context of this century (or the 20th, 19th, 18th…) breath-taking. Charles will have a legacy. It will be the British Federal Republic. I am not a republican but there is no fucking way I shall put up with that utter cunt on the throne.

I have made Charles out here to be a risible figure. I have done that because mockery is remarkably effective against such arses but make no mistake – the man is also evil. He is against everything of The Enlightenment. He would be a medieval despot if he could get away with it (and he will try) and he would reduce the nation that invented the industrial revolution to feudalism. That’s a legacy all right and whilst I have breath in my body or fingers on this keyboard he shall never be king.

He can fuck off to Dorset and live in a yurt and talk to organic vegetables for all I fucking care but king? I’d rather put my penis through a mangle than see that.

PS. Yes, there is a UK-based business that sells yurts via the internet. They claim to be the largest yurt supplier in the UK. Fair play to them but…

US readers: I’m beginning to think you had the right idea.


  1. Ed P says:

    Totally agree – he will be a disastrous king and bring about a Federal republic.

    By the way, penis though a mangle is possibly how ties were invented – ouch!

  2. Lynne says:

    Mater obviously doesn’t agree about the God’s messenger shite. She’s gonna stick the retarded wannabe clot plug out to the bitter end. Long live Queen Brenda!

  3. Kinuachdrach says:

    Great writing, Cats. You have talent.

    But let’s get serious for a moment:

    “It’s all those grubby little Northern industrialists making stuff in Dark Satanic Mills in Manchester is it not?”

    Would that it were! The Dark Stanic Mills of England have closed down. The descendants of the mill workers are unemployed glue-sniffers, and the homes of former mill workers are occupied by Moslem immigrants on the dole.

    If a future King really cared about the country, he would care about the people first. You know, that whole “Mary Queen of Scots” thing, not “Mary Queen of Scotland”. And what the people of Charles once-proud country need is job-providing, community-supporting industry — industry that has been driven out of England’s green & pleasant land by those who put countryside ahead of the people who live in it.

    Forget fox hunting; let’s bring back environmentalist hunting. And if young Charles wants his to be the first trophy head mounted on the wall of the break-room at the re-opened factory, so be it.

  4. john in cheshire says:

    Mr Windsor, if you or your minions read these blogs. You are not a nice man. If there is any way that we, the people of England can prevent you from becoming king, then I’m on the side of those who see that it is done. You can be defender of faiths in your own time. In our time, we want a defender of the Faith; Christianity.

  5. alf stone says:

    All this vituperation because he wears a Double-breasted jacket?

  6. Lynne says:

    It’s not the jacket, it’s the elephant’s minge modelling it…

  7. JuliaM says:

    “That’s a legacy all right and whilst I have breath in my body or fingers on this keyboard he shall never be king.”

    Well, not that I believe in woo, but didn’t US ‘psychic’ Jeanne Dixon predict that he would never be king?

    Oh, pleaseohpleaseohplease….

  8. RAB says:

    You are not a bad writer yourself Kinauchdrach, and an interesting handle by the way.
    The village on the Scottish Island of Jura that George Orwell nurtured his consumption and wrote 1984, is it not?

    But what’s with the Mary Queen of Scots stuff? She couldn’t have given a flying fuck for Scotland or the Scots. Her eyes were on the main prize, the Throne of England. Hell she had already briefly been Queen of France! You think she cared a jot for a shivering little backwater like Scotland?

    Any more than Chuckles cares about Britain and the British? He has set his sights much higher, well he is Divine isn’t he? Providence has smiled upon him and shown him his Destiny! No meagre plot, no Sceptred Isles for him, he has gone global! nay Universal! All eternity and probably the Klingons will sing his praises!

    He’s on a bit of a roll this week. Not just the destiny thing and the Movie, which really should be titled “The Incredible Strewth!!” but he has a Movement in the making. It’s called Start. And how does he plan to start it? Um, with a Garden party. So us plebs can come and see what a sustainable future looks like if we own Clarence fuckin House!

    “A key feature of Start is the festival I am hosting in the gardens of Clarence House, as well as in those of neighbouring Lancaster House and Marlborough House. This festival – a Garden Party to Make a Difference – will run over 12 days in September and aims to give people of all ages an enjoyable day out while, at the same time, demonstrating the small steps that can, and are, being taken by all those of us interested in building a more sustainable future.

    A remarkably talented team of curators from the worlds of music, comedy, debate and the environment will be helping us create an event that will, I hope, be entertaining, enjoyable and informative. This festival is just one way in which Start can help to demonstrate how we can all make a difference, however big or small the steps we take – even if those steps could involve having an allotment or keeping chickens or bees… ”

    I have a garden 20 feet square, a lot of people live in flats with just a window box, whither the allotments cometh your Highness? can we squat on bits of Highgrove do ya think? No?

    I’m not about to keep chickens cos they get up a bugger of a sight earlier than me, and can be profoundly irritating, and I dont like eggs much anyway.

    But I could give the bees a go I suppose. I like honey, not that there are any flowers in my garden that need propagating, but the weeds are doing fine all on their own without me recycling my bathwater to help them out, and now I think about it, I have been nurturing wasps for years, as the useless vicious little bastards keep building nests in my attic.

    In conclusion Your Fuckwittedness, the only way that history will remember you, if you keep up this stream of gibberish, and you will wont you? you just cant help it, Destiny calls! and all that, you will never ever shut up even when you become King, is to go down in the record books as Charles the Last.

    Same time next week then, eh Chuckles?

  9. Kinuachdrach says:

    Yes, RAB — mostly right. Kinuachdrach is not even a village, just a farm, at the north end of the island of Jura — within shouting distance of the Honest-to-God whirlpool of Corryvreckan. Kinuachdrach is reputed to have been the place where George Orwell wrote “Animal Farm”, although some insist he actually stayed in a house just up the road from the farm. I always liked the name.

    “But what’s with the Mary Queen of Scots stuff?”
    No question that Mary was Lindsey Lohan of her day. She is simply the best known exemplar of a tradition — Scottish royalty traced its roots to a time when the king was the leader of a people, not the owner of a land. Great concept — mostly honored in the breach, of course.

    “a Garden Party to Make a Difference”
    How can anyone ever satirized this stuff? A prince truly in touch with his people!

  10. CountingCats says:

    Who’s Lindsey Lohan?

  11. Kinuachdrach says:

    A close relative of Lindsay Lohan.

  12. CountingCats says:

    Who’s Lindsay Lohan?

  13. NickM says:

    Is it “Lindsay” or Lindsey”. I am now as confused as Cats.

    She is a celebrity famous for being famous. Apparently she is an actress. Well I had a walk-on role in a school play in 1990… She’s kinda a Poundland version of Britney Spears.

  14. RAB says:

    And she just got out of jail and is now heading for rehab…

  15. Kinuachdrach says:

    Surely everyone saw “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”?

    No? Now I think about it, I didn’t either. But someone I was chatting with at an airport once told me it was Lindsay’s finest work.

    Now, if we could get Lindsay Lohan to play Mary Queen of Scots in a major movie production, that might be gold!

  16. Talk about loosing the plot! I’m currently exspirencing, in life sake, a mob from “Sirius”, and I am, also with “Horus”, a friend of mine with his mob here again and there planet with the close orbit on its pass thru “our’ system; all of which changes humanity forever.

    Coming from another place, I have jumped into Jeffrey’s body, which was prepared for me. To my dismay…

    This soul is the keeper of tens-of-thousands of souls, and I feel like a little child sitting in the corner of the house of big spiritual men together gone past, and in awe at looking up at them all toasting into man kind’s achievement. Which is opposite to the bloodline group that our alien friends soon ellinate.

    Marius Boirayon

    Tempa Maqius

  17. Bod says:

    Who let the scientologists in?

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