“Over the past few centuries, artists have successfully developed a host of imaginative and unusual methods of applying paint to canvas. But few are more colourful than the exquisitely profound rectal squirt method developed by Keith Boadwee, Adjunct Professor of Fine Arts, and visiting faculty member at the San Francisco Art Institute.
“Working in the arena of identity politics [figures] during the 1990s, the artist created a series of so called anal targets and enema paintings, also known as the “Purple Squirt” series. Emulating the drip paintings of Jackson Pollock, the artist fills his rectum to the maximum with non-toxic [the lightweight!] water-based paint, using a rubber hot water bottle with an attached plastic tube. Then by carefully positioning himself near a large canvas placed horizontally on the floor, he is able, at the appropriate moment to eject and direct a constrained jet of paint, thereby rapidly creating one-of-a-kind artworks with an appositely chaotic and spontaneous feel. Boadwee’s works [not "works" but "motions", surely?] have been included in the Venice Biennial, Bay Area Now 3, and the John Waters-curated ‘Elimination’ at the Albert Merola Gallery, Provincetown, MA”
This is from the 2010 prospectus of the California College of Arts (call me naïve but I kinda thought not shitting on the floor was pretty much a pre-requisite for a tertiary education – actually for primary education really) and also from the fartist’s own webshite. I found it via “Funny Old World” in Private Eye #1268.
Anyway, knock yourselves out at the site. You shall see beauties such as this. And indeed this or even this. None are safe for work or anywhere really. Oddly enough I spent some of this morning discussing a re-jigging of a website with a client. She does landscapes of the Peak District. I seriously know what I’d rather have hanging in the dining room.
I’m not normally censorious and have no problem with art being “challenging” but there are times when I reflexively reach for my Mauser and that would be a BK-27.


For those who believe that all Modern Art is shite, Prof Boadwee is really going out of his way to prove it, isn’t he?
Naively, I thought that I was going to see some Jackson Pollockesque type artwork, but the Profs dangly bits seem to be intergral to the composition.
Just as well he has tenure at a University, because I cant think that he makes a living selling that crap. If he does it makes me regret I ever learnt how to hold a pencil.
As I understand it the essence of true art is to become one with the tools of ones art, to *be* the creative instrument. Thus, Professor Boadwee IS an arsehole.
You definitely missed the best one.
Tubgirl, eat your heart out!
Ref your last line – Wasn’t it Goering who said that when he heard about culture, he reached for his Browning?
Maybe he was having a little sly joke ED…
Göring was also noted for his patronage of music, especially opera. He entertained frequently and lavishly. Most infamously, he collected art, looting from numerous museums (some in Germany itself), stealing from Jewish collectors, or buying for grossly discounted prices in occupied countries.
Or perhaps he meant “Any culture that isn’t Germanic in origin” which for Nazis was a pretty elastic concept. Dope fiends tend to be delusional you know
Mr Broadpiss ain’t doing anything original. Politicians have been producing policies in this fashion for decades…
ED,
That is a ticklish quote. It’s generally attributed to the fat, transvestite NAZI drug addict but I’m sure I’ve heard otherwise.
Makes me think those old Nazzies were on to something when they spoke of ‘degenerate art’. But, if we take Ayn Rand at face value (that art is the ‘selective recreation of reality’) then it shows how far down the slimy path our culture has traveled.
Eddie,
A lot of Nazi art – Rheinmaidens and Valkyries and all that – resembled dreadful soft porn. Anyway the major question you raise can be answered by another question, “Who’s culture?” Do you have any such pictures in your house, do I? No, thought not. “Culture” in the sense of what Keith Boadwee does is so seperate from anything you or me would actually pay money for that it has to be state-funded. I mean that’s the difference, right. If Keith Boadwee wasn’t state-funded he’d just be another bum shitting on the floor. Give him an Adjunct Professorship and he is now “challenging” and not just another bum shitting on the floor. Quite what he is challenging (apart from basic levels of hygiene) is of course another question and one I wish to obtain a PhD from investigating
And furthermore, I won’t now be able to hear the phrase “anally retentive” without remebering this foul creature.
Nick – you’re right.
It was this playwright.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanns_Johst
But Goering quoted him, so both said it but only one originated it.
Of course, it’s a pun. Goering, the humourous fellow, was referring to Robert Browning in an oh so subtle way. What a wit, eh?
Well, I have a standing invite to Herr Goering for my candle-lit suppers. He sounds like a riot! Never turns up. I have to make do with Goebbels and he’s just dull. It’s all Jews this, Jews that! Leave it with the Jews Joe me old china it’s getting very tired. A three hour anti-Semitic tirade over the Roquefort and a rather cheeky Merlot… I do my bit for care in the community but there are limits. Next Thursday it’s “Conflict Diamonds night” with Naomi Campbell and Nick Griffin. I am expecting sparks to fly over the tiramisu. The Bishop of Southwark will also be attending (it’s what he does).
Thinking about that remark after writing it, it doesn’t actually work in German as a pun.
The original was ” . . . ontsicher ich meine Browning”, which means “release the safety catch of my Browning”.
So not a pun in the original.
‘the fartist’s own webshite’ – inspired!! I just orally ejected a stream of tomato soup onto the keyboard.
So John Stagliano’s “Milk Nymphos” and “Storm Squirters 2: Target Practice” were mere imitations? Somebody tell Pamela Satterfield and Bonnie G. Hannan!
Good grief. How much taxpayers money has this excrement been granted?
@Nele:
In this context, what you did is another work of art!