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Wookey Hole

Now I thought that was just a polite way of explaining how Han Solo relieved sexual tension on those long, long flights when Leia had the painters in.

I was wrong.

A witch at Wookey Hole caves is facing disciplinary action after her boss spotted her on X Factor when she was supposed to be off work with flu.

Yes, they have a witch.

Fiona Robertson, 25, performed in front of Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and Cheryl Cole in a routine as the Wicked Witch of the West in April this year.

Keeping in character I see.

Yup, that’s a witch alright.

But she is now facing disciplinary action after she was recognised by her bosses at Wookey Hole Caves, Somerset, where she works as an entertainer.

Daniel Medley, Director of Wookey Hole Caves, said: ”We have been extremely pleased with how well Fiona has settled in and taken to the role – she has an enchanting way with people.

They have a “cave director” and an “enchanting witch”. I thought Terry Pratchett wrote this stuff as fantasy.

”But we now feel very let-down and cannot believe that she has used her fame from Wookey Hole Caves to further her career whilst still working for us.”

”We feel we have been used. I was genuinely shocked when I saw her in the papers, she was even wearing her Wookey Witch costume.

”And to think she may have taken a day’s sick leave as well to attend the audition, this is just totally unacceptable and we are considering disciplinary action.”

Beyond any comment.

”I’m not a bad singer but the three judges weren’t very impressed and I think the fact that I was dressed as a witch shocked them a bit.”

”I performed the day before Cheryl Cole was diagnosed with malaria and she certainly didn’t have much patience for me.”

Dear God. I am now speechless.

Of course this is the second Wookey Witch. The first was sacked for (and how could I make this up?) not being a “people person”. God almighty she was a former estate agent which is pretty much the definition of a sociopath.


  1. They’re very good with their faux PR, are Wookey Hole. Their ad for this woman brought acres of news coverage including many a complaint from churchy types … and I think they knew it would happen. ;)

    This? Well …

  2. Bill Sticker says:

    ‘She has used her fame from Wookey Hole Caves”? As an ‘entertainer’ at Wookey Hole? Hahahahahaaaaaaaa. That is just sooo funny.

    Unintentional comic quote of the week I think.

  3. RAB says:

    Fed up? Down in the mouth? Think life just couldn’t get any worse?

    Come to Wookey Hole! We’ll prove you wrong in a minute! If we cant rip off at least a couple of hundred quid from your family in an afternoon, with the utterest purile gawdy crap you have ever laid eyes on, then we are not Gerry Cottle’s Circus!, er Wookey Hole Ltd.

    Yes folks an old Circus family, one which went out of business because they treated their animals crappy, own the place, and are now in the business of treating you, the public, crappy.

    I mean, would you like to work for a company that deals with your minor 3 day sickie, not with a stern word from the boss but with a public email vote (so they can get your address and bombard you with spam). and a tip to the newspapers? Blatent free advertising a la max Clifford.

    A place to avoid like the Plague folks, and Cheddar Gorge, just up the road, isn’t much better.

    It’s a pity, because the caves are historically interesting, going back to the last Ice age. But now appear to be more famous for the Great Rottweiler Teddy Bear Massacre of 2006. Insurance scam anyone? ;-)

  4. John B says:

    Mr Puddlecote has it, I think. Wookey must have hired Max Clifford.

  5. Tennessee Budd says:

    There’s a place named after Michelle Obama?

  6. mike says:

    Christ almighty, there were thousands of applicants to replace her. How do you take in and process a fact as staggering as that there are thousands of people want to work for such a slimy company in such an utterly ridiculous job? 50 grand a year in the south-west for painting your face green and running around in a pointy hat stroking cats. Christ, I think I’d rather apply to become the Chancellor of the Duchy of Cornwall.

  7. Paul Marks says:

    You have upset me RAB – I had been told that Chedder Gorge was a nice place.

    Oh well when I come and visit you (one day you may be visitable) you must show me nicer bits of country then.

  8. RAB says:

    Cheddar Gorge is a fantastic place Paul, as long as you steer well clear of the Caves and village, which is all Slot arcades, Souvenir shops and crap eateries.
    Driving through the full length of the Gorge can be one of the erriest experiences you are ever likey to have.

    We will take you to the remains of the Roman lead mines just outside, and there are so many rabbits, the dog can go bonkers chasing them. We’ll bung in Glastonbury Tor and Wells too (you’ll love Wells, watching the swans ringing the bell on the wall of the Bishops moated palace for their supper, is a bit of a treat on its own, let alone the Cathedral and town). All easily doable in a day from Bristol.

    Things are getting a bit less chaotic at the RAB Mansion, so I hope it may be sooner than later.

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