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The one where Nick sees the point of Diane Abbott…

… Almost. OK, she’s not the sharpest pencil in the box and would have been an hilarity if she’d won but alas we got a Millipede instead in charge of The Labour party. Apparently Neil Kinnock was an early adopter of Edpede which ought to be a suitable kiss of death to the new Labour leader. Alas Michael Foot is dead.

But… I have mocked Ms Abbott for running entirely on the basis of her pigmentation and ovaries (and flirting with Portillo!) and now it don’t look so funny. Why? All three major party leaders in this country are white blokes around forty. Is this a problem? In principle it isn’t but…

I’m not, absolutely not, going to go down the route of the silliness that is positive discrimination but a couple of things need to be said… I do think it peculiar that essentially we have squeezed down the parameters for party leader to the extent that we have done. My Mum stayed with me over the weekend and she couldn’t tell the Millipedes apart. My wife is similarly vague and quite frankly Nick Clegg could walk past me in the street and I’d pay him no heed.

That of course brings up another issue. Edpede is an atheist. So is the Cleggster. I would say that, practically speaking most Brits are so what? I’m an agnostic because I simply can’t be fucked either way but you can roughly lump me in. But what struck me is that this closet is the last one and Edpede was interviewed by the BBC over his non-belief and it was as tortuous as Nick Clegg’s “coming out” as a non-believer. Recall that? He was at pains to state that his wife was Catholic and his kids were being brought up as Catholics. It was painful to watch. I don’t have anything against the Catholic Faith. If I was concerned (which I’m not) it was more that those poor lickle kiddies were being brought-up Liberal Democrat.

I shall now answer my own “So what?” They are really all the same. The policies are micrometres apart and this is made even more evident when the faces are so similar. That the recent Labour leadership contest came down to two brothers who in the end couldn’t be separated by a cigarette paper says it all really.

Not quite, there is something else… Both Clegg and Edpede have only been members of parliament for a few short years. Edpede’s keynote speech at the Labour conference included the fact that he didn’t vote for the invasion of Iraq in 2003 because he wasn’t even an MP then. I think the phrase “Risen without trace” occurred to me then.

Anyway, just up the road from me is the local Conservative Club. Why not? I’m 37 [check], full head of hair [check], attractive wife [check], not whelping like there’s no tomorrow [problem - but she has adopted a bear, mind] and quite frankly if Mrs Clegg’s son Nicholas can get to be Deputy Prime Minister in such a short space of time then why not moi? I’d rather be a Timelord than First Lord of the Treasury (mainly because that only contains a note saying, “We owe China a bucking fundle”) but I can work on it. And the Jag would be nice. As would the Trident control codes. It would be brown trousers time in Tehran. I’d be prepared to nuke Qom on general principles.

Anyway, enough fantasy already! I’m not there yet.

But seeing as the only significant qualification for being a major party leader in this country is being a bloke around forty I could be and you should all be very afraid. Oh, and I can articulate my non-belief in God without going round the houses. That’s gotta be a winner.

And you want the kicker? I can do it in a way that doesn’t upset the faithful.

Because I’m not a crass go-getting twat. Best stick to computers then because I fail politics at the final hurdle. Bugger.


  1. Sam Duncan says:

    I’m reminded of PJ O’Rourke writing about GHWB’s inauguration in 1990, when he looked around the platform and saw “people like me. And that’s terrifying, because I know people like me. We’ll screw it up.” (And who can say he was wrong?)

    But I look at Ed Cleggeron and the gang and I don’t see anyone “like me”. It’s not as if I’m not a 20 year-old Pakistani kid from a sink estate, either; I’m nearly 40, my dad was a lawyer, he sent me to an independent school, and if certain medical matters I needn’t elaborate on here hadn’t intervened I’d have gone to one of the proper universities and ended up in law as well.

    It all comes down to this: politics having been a profession for a century now, politicians, no matter how hard they protest, aren’t like any of us. They are a class apart. And – just as it was when the government was run by aristocrats – that’s a problem. A bigger problem, in fact, than when the aristos ran the show, because this mob claim the “democratic legitimacy” to run everything.

    (All is not lost though. Listened to this last night. I didn’t think they made MPs like that. Come to think of it, they bloody well don’t up here in Jockland. He’d give the Edinburgh Gasworks a fit of the vapours. Why can’t we have a few hundred more of him in parliament?)

  2. Sam Duncan says:

    “It’s not as if I’m not a 20 year-old Pakistani kid from a sink estate”

    Er. That’s not what I meant. Scratch one of those “not”s.

  3. Agreed. There’s something quite strikingly similar in the appearance of all three major party leaders. They all seem to be flawed copies of the Blair model – dark hair, early middle-aged etc. And I share many of the same physical characteristics – maybe I should run! Except I’m not arrogant enough to do so and increasingly find myself looking down on those who do want to.

  4. El Draque says:

    Harold Wilson was regarded as remarkably young when he became PM at 49.
    Isn’t it just a function of it being a professional political class? They go from uni to something then into Parlaiment at 33 and after two terms they know it all. With no baggage they’re a shoo-in.
    Anyway, too late for me to think about it – I was forty 20 years ago nearly.
    (I think my mid-life crisis just crept up on me – my birthday treat came early and I did aerobatics in a open-cockpit biplane over Glastonbury.)

  5. NickM says:

    ED, for that I wanna kill ya. Or least at get the name and address. You shocky, outrageously gitulentent git you! I guess that was a Tiger Moth. It was wasn’t it? You sodulent sodder. I is annoyed. Good on ya sir says Nick through very gritted teeth. That must have been magnificent. You sod you. I just hope it was as good as I imagine it to be. And one day I shall see you in my T-38 Talon. I so will. I guess I’d settle for a T-33 but don’t tell them. I is holding out for the supersonic. I wanna punch a hole through the horizon before I pop my cloggs. I wannabe supersonic before I die.

  6. Lynne says:

    There is no point to Abbott. Like all politicians she is the personification of a perambulating arsehole.

    O/T Over at WUWT there is a furore over this little slice of whatever:

    I can’t make up my mind whether it’s serious or one huge piss-take. Seems that many other WUWT posters don’t know whether to laugh or be outraged either.

  7. steng says:

    Thanks Lynne. Have seen the video and the overwhelming, sinking feeling I get is we the people are just there to make the lefties feel better. So what if you die? It is of no concern to the morally superior bumwipes who wanna control us.

    Our lives are of no consequence compared with their great ideas. And the political dross who stand up and make inspiring speeches and smile warmly while fiddling with themselves under the table love it all even more.

  8. Lynne says:

    I can’t help feeling that this is going to be a huge own goal. Most people I know and talk to think that CAGW is bullshit and the polls reflect this nationally. The eco-nazis, by way of 1010, just declared war against the majority of the free thinking British public.

    I takes a special kind of cupid stunt to achieve that…

  9. El Draque says:

    Sorry, Nick, it wasn’t a Tiger Moth.
    It was called a Starduster, a more modern plane.

    But I was allowed to take control, using the stick, for a short time.

    And it was the gift money can’t buy: it included a private guided tour of the Fleet Air Arm Historic Flight.

  10. [...] – Commentator Lynne describing Diane Abbott. [...]

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