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Animals that are stunned are not halal. An animal that is unconscious is not going to listen to the prayer.’

‘In the Holy Book, it says that the animal should listen to the prayers of Allah. If it’s unconscious, then it won’t be able to do that.’

I am sure it brings great comfort to them.

Fucking savages.

I think I shall increase my bacon intake because I know for a cert no bugger slaughters pigs halal or kosher.

Honestly I would give vegetarianism a pop (again) but it would be harder than giving up the fags. I tried it once and after like three veggie chillies I just gave up. And it would mean giving up rare sirloin or sushi, smoked salmon. or tuna that is still rather pink. I can’t do that! What I can do (and I do) is be very careful about my meat. I only buy free range eggs and similar bacon. I don’t buy Danish but British because we have tighter regulations on the rearing of piggies.

OK, let’s trial a thought experiment here. What if you saw that it is OK for me to slit the throat of Timmy, my little cat, because it’s OK because I have recited the Lord’s Prayer or the Battle Hymn of The Republic or a medley of tunes by the Cheeky Girls? Yeah, why not! The insane justification is the same. The idea that the un-stunned animal understands the words of the prophet is risible as a justification. I assume they are spoken in Classical Arabic. If so they would make about as much sense (none at all) to me as to a goat.

But who am I to criticise here? A Muslim is of course a Muslim from day one. Shortly after birth the happy parents recite the Shahadah over the babe in arms making he or she a Muslim for all eternity. Why should it be different for animals?

Except… My first girlfriend was a Baptist. She became a Baptist at the age of 16. Her church didn’t believe that infants or animals could understand enough to commit. Now I’m no huge fan of the Baptists (them being killjoys and all) but, along with many non-conformists, they get the idea that religious conviction is something to be entered into seriously and that means something like an adult appreciation of the Universe. Essentially this is not something that infants or animals can grok.

It is ultimately very Islamic. The idea that the poor beast hears the words of the Prophet is enough. Very Islamic is that. Seriously. The recitation of the Qu’ran is not about understanding it but about the sound of it – it is brainwashing. In Muslim countries they give prizes to kids who make it sound most musical from memory without knowing any of what it means. Yes, most Arabic native speakers don’t get it because it is further from them than Beowulf is from me.

It does look beautiful, mind. That Arabic script is something else. It does look like the Word of God and that it is merely the depraved fantasy of an immoral Bedouin (I think that is Churchill) does not stop it winning converts. And lets face facts. Muhammed failed every test of morality that could be conceived of (you ever fucked a nine year old girl – thought not). This is the viewpoint of an agnostic who cannot see his way to saying the same about Buddha or Christ.

That is damning. That is seriously bad.


  1. Kevin B says:

    Nick, while there is no point in being needlessly cruel, there’s no point in being overly squeamish either. I lost my squeamishness at a very young age watching my dad wring a chicken’s neck, and the local high street butchers had half a steer, half a pig and legs of lamb hanging in the windows. No one was in any doubt where meat came from in those days.

    Judging by our natural weapons we were probably scavangers before we started knapping flint but from then on we killed what we ate, rather than grab it and run. Mind you, I don’t believe those studies that said we were responsible for the Younger Dryas, (both starting it and stopping it according to different studies), by killing off all the Mammoths but we sure knew how to hunt in those days.

    True, ritual slaughter does come over as a bit cruel these days, but a deer is alive whilst a big cat’s jaws are closing round it’s throat and the cat didn’t select that method of dispatching bambi out of concern for the deer’s welfare; it just stops all the struggling sooner and let’s her get on with ripping juicy pieces of meat off and gobbling them down before the jackals, hyenas,vultures and (quite possibly), early hominids come round for a bite of supper.

    And who can forget the shock of the poor greenies on finding out that those nice tea drinking chimps hunt and kill monkeys. Shock!! Horror!!

    There’s been altogether too much anthropomorphising going on. Bears aren’t cuddly and cows don’t answer to “Ermintrude!” when you call them. It’s great that we can feed so many people without them ever seeing a dead animal, (and meat eating is still the most efficient,’sustainable’, way of feeding the multitude), but let’s not get carried away.

  2. stig says:

    “and meat eating is still the most efficient,’sustainable’, way of feeding the multitude”

    Really? Last I heard the opposite was true: to get enough to feed 100 people via meat products requires land that could support many more than by growing other foods.

    Of course, animals provide more than meat (wool, leather, gelatine, eyelids and nostrils for cheap burgers, etc) and undigested red meat only lies impacted in the human gut for seven years, so no problem there. Yes, we need animals for food.

    The jury is still out though on whether we need Religion of Peacers chanting arabic to cows before slaughtering them, but then perhaps the RoPs will offer us prayers before bombing our trains.

    The word of God makes it so much easier to take.

  3. Ian F4 says:

    I saw a video somewhere showing a Halal slaughter of a cow. I kind of got the impression it was a neat slit cut in the throat, what I saw was half the f*cking neck chopped through, and the animal still alive.

    There was a controversial scene in the film Apocalypse Now showing a buffalo getting decapitated, the shot was quick but the event was real. It was nothing in comparison with what I saw in the Halal movie.

  4. NickM says:

    Yes nature is red in tooth and claw but we can be better than that. That’s the whole point of civilization – to be better than we were. And it isn’t about being squeamish or thinking that rabbits wear waistcoats or any of that. It is about preventing needless suffering ibn the name of a demented God I don’t believe in. Moreover it is… Well, I eat meat but I don’t hunt, kill or butcher it. This is not because I’d take a turn at the prospect but quite simply because those are skilled tasks for which I don’t have the skill. This isn’t Nick thinking I’d have a fit of the vapours but Nick thinking of the division of labour in a pin factory. It’s this thing called money which can be exchanged for goods and services. The fact that if I buy a sirloin in Sainsburys and it comes in styrofoam doesn’t mean I don’t know it was once part of a cow. I do know. Of course I do. I accept that and quite frankly when we can grow juicy steaks in vats and all then count me in because that will be progress. Until then the care of food animals and their swift, clean and merciful despatching matters more to me than assuaging the mores of the followers of an immoral Bedouin. Fuck ‘em. This is Britain. We are after India the country with the most vegetarians per capita and there is always the vegetarian option. And there always is in Britain. If you wanna eat the ring-piece of the ritually slaughtered cat then go buy Bernard Matthews or fuck of back to “restive” Helmand province.

  5. Sunfish says:

    Vegetables aren’t food.

    Vegetables are what food eats.

    And ‘Vegetarian’ is an Aboriginal word for “His boomerang won’t come back.”

    j/k, some of my friends are veggie people. They dog baby-sit for me when I go out and kill and eat cute fluffy animals.

    Speaking of which…snow and cold tonight. Rabbits this weekend. Sauteed in white wine and sour cream, with mushrooms.

  6. RAB says:

    You never cease to amaze me Sunfish!

    How does a Colerado cop know about My boomerang dont come back? That’s Charlie Drake fer chrissakes! Surely you wern’t subjected to him?

    You gotta eat some veg with that rabbit though bro, remember them 18th century French trappers that died of mineral deficiency when they ate nothing else? ;-)

    Ok, I have done this story before, but I cant think of a better place to repeat it…

    My dad was a master butcher and owned his own Abattoir, from the 50s to the early 60s.

    It was open fronted, and as a kid of 5 or 6, I used to be sat in the car with a Beano and a bottle of pop, watching my dad knocking off cows.

    They used to come up the ramp from the field he kept them in, then they got stunned by this electric halo device, then dad put a humane killer to their head (like a chunky Uzi that shot a long steel bolt into their brain) and down they went like a sack of spuds.

    Well it was knives out and rivers of blood running down the gullies, two stomachs flopping out (could be a bit wiffy that bit). Not what I would recommend for a sunday mornings outing these days, but it was what my dad did right? I didn’t turn a hair on the queasy front.

    But it was quick and efficient and the animal didn’t suffer unduely.

    Well he also told me of the occasions that he had to have a Rabbi in to do the killing for Kosher meat (there were no Muslims to speak of back then). Well the method is the same for Kosher or Halal, only the prayers are different. A bloody sharp knife and one slash.

    Well the Rabbi is a man of books not knives isn’t he? So he is not relishing the task himself. Hence he did a piss poor job of it, and dad would hurry the Rabbi out the back door to the office, give him a large whiskey while his men dispatched the beast as quickly as possible.

    He may have been a butcher, but he abhored cruelty to animals. He loathed them being trucked for hundreds of miles to be slaughtered too. Stress taints the meat, it’s a fact. His animals died 10 seconds after chewing a contented cud. They never knew what hit them.

    But where I’m getting to here, on my late dad’s behalf, is that Health and Hygene regulations drove him to the edge of bankruptcy. Legions of inspectors would descend on him, complaining about this that and the fuckin other, to the point that he sold up and bought a General Stores in Cardiff instead.

    So what I’m getting pissed off about here is there seems to be on rule for them and another for the rest of us. Our Muslim brothers get the rules waved (Halal is illegal and cruel) because of their supposed religion, and my dad got waves of fuckin rules!

    And yes, believing that reciting prayers over the soon to be ex animal, and for this the animal must be fully concious, is for it’s benefit and understanding, is surely fuckwittery of the first water!

    They say the prayers to Allah to accept their gift of life, not to make the cow feel good for fucks sake!

    Why do I loathe Islam? Let me count the ways!

    They are just aving on the Leccy the evil cheap bastards!

  7. JuliaM says:

    “True, ritual slaughter does come over as a bit cruel these days, but a deer is alive whilst a big cat’s jaws are closing round it’s throat…”

    Yes, but we aren’t animals. We’re supposed to be better than that.

    I don’t object to halal & kosher slaughter, but I DO object to:

    a) no pre-stunning, even though it CAN be done in accordance with the Koran, and is done in some countries, and

    b) no labelling of what it is, which amounts to stealth introduction by the supermarkets.

    I’ve no problem with GM food, but could you imagine the supermarkets attempting to sneak GM-derived food into the stock without labelling? They’d never do so.

    So, why this?

  8. Kevin B says:

    stig, sheep can get sustenance out of land that nothing we can eat will grow on; Cows have extraordinarily complex stomachs so that they can concentrate what little goodness is in grass and stuff into nice juicy protein packed steaks, (especially when there was also lots of saturated fat laced through the meat before they bred that feature out of them); and goats eat plastic bags and still turn them into food*. Chickens scratch about eating insects and seeds and all sorts of stuff and every morning they pop out concentrated goodness for us to enjoy. And then there’s bacon! Pigs eat all sorts of shit and turn it into the food of the gods.

    The studies that show that veggies are more efficient take none of this into account. Those studies that do, show that meat feeds humans more efficiently.

    JuliaM, I quite agree with your a,b,c points, I was just getting concerned that Nick was getting all “meat is murder” on us, and wanted to remind him where we come from and why we developed as omnivores.

    *I actually sat in a car at a desert building site in Doha waiting for an Arab to come and tell us we could get on with our work, and watched the goats eating plastic bags, cement bags and all the general detritus that litters a typical site.

  9. NickM says:

    If I thought meat was murder I’d be a vegetarian. Simples. I would still eat car insurance meerkats but that is another issue. But I do object to un-needed cruelty in the name of Allah. I refer you to RAB’s comment. I buy that absolutely RAB. But note the point there. RAB’s dad was a master butcher which means he knew exactly what he was doing. And that is why I don’t slaughter my own. You want me to fix a computer. Grand! I know what I’m up to there. I can field-strip a Dell blindfolded. A cow is another matter.

  10. Bod says:

    Field-strip a cow?

  11. Hexe says:

    According to French historian J. Benoist-Mechin, Ataturk stated: “through the abusive interpretation of ignorant and filthy priests……Islam, this absurd theology of an immoral Bedouin, is a rotting corpse which poisons our lives” (from “Jihad”, Paul Fregosi).

    Halal Meat is also unhealthy to eat, because the carcass does not bleed out as effectively, and due to the huge amount of stress inflicted on the animal in the process, the mean is tainted with stress hormones.

    So even if you don’t care about animal cruelty, from a food quality point of view you are being sold tainted meat.

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