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“A rigid feminine pleasure device”.

GURNEE, Ill. — Suburban Chicago police said a woman who allegedly skipped out on a restaurant tab was arrested after allegedly attacking a police officer with a sex toy.

A police incident report said Carolee Bildsten, 56, of Gurnee, allegedly left a Joe’s Crab Shack restaurant in the town without paying Tuesday and an officer went to Bildsten’s residence to investigate, the Chicago Tribune reported Thursday.

Gurnee Police Cmdr. Jay Patrick said the woman attacked the officer with “a rigid feminine pleasure device.”

Bildsten, who has been accused of not paying her check at the same restaurant in the past, was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and theft of labor or services.

I assume “Joe’s Crab Shack” is a chain though I have never seen one. I have never seen anyone assault a police officer with a dildo either. I think I must have had a rather sheltered life.

H/T to commentator Sunfish.

7 Comments

  1. Bod says:

    I hope she enjoyed Joe’s crabs.

  2. Sunfish says:

    She didn’t seem to enjoy them enough to pay for them.

    (BTW, it’s a chain specializing in seafood and kitsch.)

  3. Lynne says:

    Words like “pig” and “poke” spring to mind for some reason…

  4. Talwin says:

    If you nip over to Joe’s Crab Shack website you’ll see that there’s, “Over 100 locations all over the dang (sic) place” (had it been a UK chain no doubt some clever marketing type at head office would have decreed that it should read, ‘….all over the plaice’), including, it would seem, Olathe, Kansas, a location just about as far in the US as you can get from ‘au bord de la mer’.

  5. NickM says:

    Yes, that sort of occur to me in the context of Illinois too. I’m sorry I would have noticed because it sounds like some where to get a social disease.

  6. Sunfish says:

    Yes, that sort of occur to me in the context of Illinois too. I’m sorry I would have noticed because it sounds like some where to get a social disease.

    What, Joe’s Crab Shack or Illinois?

  7. Kevin says:

    Joe’s Crab Shack is a typical shake-and-bake chain restaurant, one that tries to capture the look of a Gulf Coast wharf/roadhouse/honky-tonk/shanty. It’s one of those places where the absence of one of its ersatz cultural artefacts would be made all the more conspicuous by a chalk outline on the wall indicating the position of Kitsch Item A-14. Think shark bitten surf boards and alligator heads.

    I used to go to one while I was in college for cheap beer, and because the waitresses were cute (and the only crabs were the ones on the menu!)

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