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Security Opera

Yes, that’s right. It’s not theatre any more but a full blown La Scalla production with fat ladies singing.

This is seriously beyond a joke. The TSA – from my experience – the worst type of petty tin-pot Blakey from “On the Buses” examples of how a small-mind given absolute power in a very limited field can be corrupted absolutely. They were unbelievably rude to me when I last experienced their tender mercies. Try taking a laptop to the USA on a trip that involves connecting flights. Try having it examined by a complete moron whilst you have to stand behind a yellow line. Then when it’s cleared OK you’ve got to retrieve it without stepping over the line or you get shouted at and possibly tasered. Try all that when you haven’t had time to put your belt back on and are worried your trousers might fall down. Try it as well when all of this is delaying you and you then have to run to the gate still with the possibility of a “wardrobe malfunction”.

That was then. This – apparently since the Detroit pants bomber set his tackle on fire on a plane – is now getting even worse. I find that difficult to believe but the stories in that Telegraph story would appear to make it sound worse. And the TSA are not just misanthropes who probably list hobbies on their CVs such as “Ant magnifying glassing” but also have the organisational flair of the Key Stone Cops running Fred Carno’s circus. I really hate them. I despise them. Apart from the laptop incident which came after being herded down a recently sub-divided corridor at Philidelphia Airport in a scene reminiscent of the shower scene in Schindler’s List (an American guy clocking I was a Brit and wasn’t used to this apologised profusely on behalf of his entire country) there were two others that are still with me.

The first of those scenes was surreal. At the checkpoint where one must surrender all liquids there was a bloke with a can of Guinness. This was confiscated and drunk by the TSA woman in full-view of everyone. All I can guess is that she thought this is such gross misconduct that nobody will believe they actually saw it. That’s being charitable. It’s also possible she thought right here, right now she was God.

The second was very sad. In the X-ray queue in front of me a father removed with great care the little high-top trainers of his son. And the kid’s baseball jacket to be X-rayed. That kid, I reflected will grow-up to believe this is all normal. And it will be. This ain’t going away. If Osama bin Laden himself and all his followers tomorrow announced they were going to convert to Buddhism and devote their lives to quiet contemplation and growing organic vegetables it would not go away. It won’t because this is only marginally connected to terrorism. It is about control freaks controlling things with mindless zeal because they are control freaks and it was what they do. You know who really hates this – pilots. Pilots are not paid handsomely for turning on the GPS autopilot and eating a Danish pastry. They are paid well because if something goes Pete Tong they might just be able to yank the irons out of the fire and bring the ‘plane down safely. It is deeply offensive to their professionalism and… surely (don’t call me Shirley!) are they not exactly people who ought to be listened to on such matters? That they aren’t shows the absurdity of the situation. I mean their entire fucking job is to get aircraft, passengers and crew down to terra firma in one piece. That is why they are well paid. Because looking after several hundred people in a duralumin tube eight miles up travelling at 500 knots can pretty much be seen as the definition of a “responsible job”. They are literally at the sharp-end of aviation safety. Oh and does a trained pilot need a bomb to wreck havoc? He or she has the ultimate guided missile anyway. I think we saw that on September 11, 2001.

It also occurs to me that security opera is bad for safety. Let’s assume that these vicious measures prevent bombs on planes (which they won’t). They will only do so by making areas around departure gates epically crowded and utterly chaotic. You say “Allahu Akbar!” and set-off your rucksack nail bomb at the checkpoint you will kill plenty. If that explosion reaches the tanks of a fully fueled Airbus A330 parked at the nearby jetway outside then the jobs a good ‘un. That’s 139,090 litres of kerosene going-up for an A330-200. We are not talking light the blue-touch paper and retire ten metres territory here. That’s a hecatomb. If that manages to BLEVE as something like an FAE that’s a baby nuke level of destruction. That could take out an entire major airport terminal.

The recent exploding inkjets plot was thwarted because of intelligence and not strip-searching elderly nuns. What sort of depraved twat gets a kick out of that anyway? Does this mean a shift to tackling terrorism by means of intel? Apparently no. And that more than anything shows the mentality of the TSA.

Almost finally. I said that kid I saw at Ft Lauderdale Airport will grow-up with this being normal. Oddly enough it reminds me of an early memory of my first flight (it was on a 737). Well my dad speaks to a flight attendant and I get to go into the cockpit and talk with the pilots. Precocious Bill Gunston reading kid I was I asked why there wasn’t a flight engineer. the captain explained the mass of stuff behind the first officer that took that role. I was interested and I could tell the flight crew knew I knew a bit about ‘planes. That kid will never have that pleasure. That is tragic. Should I tell you something here. The Wright Brothers (you might have heard of them) operated on a shoe string (from first ideas to Flyer One launching from Kill Devil Hills cost them about $1000 (the rail they launched from cost a princely $4 of lumber from a local yard). For the first flight they roped-in by-passers and the beach life guards. One was a “curious teenager” who was just ambling by. Well forget that! These evil fuckers at the TSA are taking the skies away from us far better than any Jihadi. Indeed they are doing the Jihadi’s work for them for they are curtailing freedom much more effectively.

Finally. This. If I did that I’d be a paedophile. If I did it as an employee of the Federal Government of the USA I’d be a heroic “saver of lives”. You wanna feel-up three year old girls entirely legally? Join the TSA. Hell, even Muhammed waited till Aisha was nine to have his wicked way.

I am beyond incensed. This is legalised sexual assault on a three year old child in the name of a myth of security which is anything but freedom.

And we all know there is no security without freedom. Or at least no security worth having.

Update: this.


  1. Jeff Wood says:

    It gets worse.

    (Apologies if I am duplicating anything, but my Internet connection is playing up)

    From here I found this:

    Feds admit storing checkpoint body scans; then this:


    Perhaps because of heavy traffic to the site, I could not get through to confirm the gizmodo posting. Doubtless the scans are hardly pornography, but they are invasions of privacy, and the leaks indicative of the personnel involved.

    One doesn’t have lengthy conversations with Border Agency staff, but my impression of them is that they are pretty low grade. This stuff may appeal to them.

    Is this system not coming to Britain?

  2. Ian B says:

    Sadly can’t remember the details now, but my Dad’s lady friend- who is somewhere approaching 80- got hauled into a booth with guards pointing guns at her and screaming at her for setting off a scanner with her bra, followed by disgraceful checks of all kinds, not so long ago.

    It’s beyond a joke, it really is.

  3. Kevin B says:

    Iowahawk, (of course) brings the funny and I found this grimly amusing but Andrew Ian Dodge shows the more serious side as the TSApes molest his operation scar.

    This is all part of stopping the proles flying while the nomenclatura are whizzed up to the airport and on to their government plane. Still, at least Nancy won’t be flying government airlines after January.

    There’s a hope that, in the US at least, a combination of outrage, legal action and contempt will get this kind of nonsense stopped, otherwise the pedophiles terrorists will have won.

  4. Kevin B says:

    After getting all those links right, my HTML skillz failed me at the last. The pedophile is supposed to have a strikethrough.

    Oh well.

  5. Lynne says:

    Having just read the updated link I’m left wondering how the hell Amerkins are supposed to bath babies and toddlers. Do parents have to blindfold themselves and hang the brats on a hook beneath the shower head before blow drying the poor buggers with a hairdryer? How are the kids dressed? Do you go to jail for wiping a snotty nose or a shitty bum?

    As for the TSA perverts, not so much misanthropes as musthavegropes, eh?

  6. Ian F4 says:

    All this to avoid profiling ?

    Bill Gunston – loved his “what goes up must come down” comedy.

  7. Ian F4 says:

    Actually, no that’s David Gunson, my bad !

  8. NickM says:

    Yeah, hadn’t exactly thought of that but pretty much any underwired bra. Jesus!

    “not so much misanthropes as musthavegropes”. I wished I’d said that!

  9. NickM says:

    You’re Dad’s friend was “lucky”. They sometimes apparently do this sort of thing in public. This is horrific. I won’t even mention the 4th Amendment but it is a gross violation of it. I am a natural Ameriphile. I always have been. I am outraged beyond words. I hope the planned Thanksgiving weekend protests work. Americans – stand! Because this cannot in any nations that prides itself on freedom.

  10. banned says:

    I have asked Americans why is it that their security, customs and immigration people are so rude to visitors. They all say two things. Don’t worry about it because they are just as rude to us because if you pay peanuts you get monkeys.

  11. Stephen Brown says:

    I have heard about this sort of stuff happening in the US from friends of mine. I put a lot of it down to story-telling exaggeration.
    That is until I talked with a very good friend of mine. Last year (2009) his 12 year old daughter who suffers from mild Down’s Syndrome, was physically searched in the most intimate fashion when the family was leaving Florida. She was reduced to hysterical sobbing but both parents were prevented from going to her. My friend, a serving Police Officer here in the UK, identified himself and asked to go to his distraught child. This request was refused. He refrained from remonstration as this would affect his job here.
    The girl still suffers from flashback traumas which cause much anguish in the family. My friend is a very vocal advocate for no-one from the UK visiting the US.
    I am amongst the many to whom he has spoken and, like all of the others, I am NOT going to the USA until things change rather radically for the better.

  12. Sheffner says:’s blog has gone from 1 item every few weeks about this topic, to about 5 a day! Course, ranting on a blog makes you feel better, but only action will really change anything:
    “Those Americans willing to tolerate a stranger’s rubbing the back but not the front of his hands over your body…” ha-ha-ha! Land of the free, home of the … “well i won’t make a fuss now but when I get home I’m going to BLOG about it, nyah!” Gimme a break.

  13. NickM says:

    Banned, I appreciate they are equally awful to everyone.

    Another shocking story. Sorry for your friend’s daughter.

  14. Rob Fisher says:

    “Well my dad speaks to a flight attendant and I get to go into the cockpit and talk with the pilots.”

    Me too, in about 1990.

    But I also got invited into the cockpit a last year after flying from Singapore to Bangkok. It was after we landed, mind. I was just peering through the open cockpit door on the way off the plane and the pilot said, “want to come in?” There is still some sanity left in that part of the world.

  15. Paul Marks says:

    Simple question for the candidates for President in 2012.

    “Will you get rid of the TSA – entrusting secuity to where it should be, the owners of airports (which should be privately owned) and the airlines themselves?”

    If they really will not even do this (get rid of the TSA) they are not going to do anything else in the direction of freedom

    It the reply is about “reforming” the TSA (say only having them sexually abuse people on certain days of the week) then one is dealing with a shit – a “Progressive Lite” or RINO.

    By the way air traffic control should also be in private hands in the United States, as it is in Canada, – then we will not see people trapped in aircraft for many hours on the ground, with the toilets getting……

    The politicians (and so on) are happy to imitate Canada on health care (by the back door methods of making health cover so expensive, via regulations and mandates, that most people will eventually be forced into the government backed “exchanges”) so why not imitate Canada on air traffic control?

    Oh silly me – imitation only happens when one country imitates the statist ideas of another, the state must always grow (not shrink).

    The ultimate example is Central Banking in the Great Depression – in the United States vast numbers of banks failed and every bank had to shut its doors (a government santioned closure for awhile).

    In Canada there were no bank collapses at all.

    The United States had the vast Federal Reserve central banking system.

    Canada had no Central Bank at all.

    The American system failed and the Canadian banking system did not fail.


    Yes you guessed it – all enlightened opinion savagely attacked the Canadian banks for not lending money to everyone who wanted it (indeed a whole political movement was set up “Social Credit”). The Canadian bankers reactionary ideas (i.e. their belief that they should only lend money to people who were likely to pay them back) was utterly unacceptable (the modern world wants bankers who lend money to people with no chance of paying it back – as in Ireland in recent years, or even to people who DO NOT EXIST as with some of the loans made in Barack Obama’s Chicago and other major American cities).

    And as for a Central Bank – one was set up in Canada in the late 1930’s. If the banks will not play wild enough fractional reserve games – then the government (via Central Banks and entities like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac) will lead them in the dance of death.

  16. David Gillies says:

    I got a cockpit tour of one of the first triple-seven flights from Europe to Latin America that BA operated, in 1999. I was up front for almost an hour. When the co-pilot found I was a software engineer he wasted no time in showing me how he could drill down through his multi-function displays to show me the maintenance history of a hydraulic valve in one of the spoilers in the port wing. Every one of the hundred thousand sensors the plane carried was there to be queried. It was brilliant. All that’s gone, thanks to a bunch of disgusting sub-humans and the people whose reaction to barbarity is to imprison everyone instead of telling the monkeys that any more of their nonsense will earn them a bucket of instant sunshine.

  17. […] It needs photocopies of passports and bank cards and all sorts. Not only do we not need to go to America to be molested by jobsworth morons we can be molested in the comfort of our own home via the web. I […]

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