The nation erupted in an unprecedented outburst of joyfulness today as the Royal Couple ended days of speculation with the news that they are to marry on April 29th. As crowds rushed into the streets to hang bunting and lay out trestle tables laden with sausage rolls, scotch eggs and cheap Stella from Tesco, Prince George III and his nubile intended Kate Middlesbrough gave an exclusive interview to Counting Cats In Zanzibar at which they discussed their plans of joy.
Bubbly Kate, 29, enthused joyfully regarding her planned wardrobe. “I’ll be wearing a really posh frock and a hat. I’ll look dead classy,” said the brunette stunner, “like that Cheryl Cole.”
“I too shall wear a hat,” added the handsome, bug-eyed prince, “so I look less bald”.
The joyful couple also discussed their plans for a lavish ceremony which will, in the words of sparkly-eyed Kate “make the Beckhams’ do look like two chavs in a council estate community centre.” She also vowed to “make sure there’s no trouble” by sitting her commoner relatives “at the back, and keep them away from the beer at the reception”. Prince George’s relatives by contrast, most of whom have been brought up proper, will be allowed as much shampoo as they can guzzle, “because they know how to behave themselves like”.
The Royal Couple’s plans following the wedding are, they said, still “a bit provisional”, although they do intend a honeymoon “somewhere classy”. Afterwards, Prince George III intends to spend his time “waiting to be King, and stuff.”
“And after we’re married I’ll be giving up the strippergram job,” said saucy Kate, 29, “or at least go part time.”
The Counting Cats In Zanzibar Royal Wedding Announcement Souvenir Issue continues on pages 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and Centre Spread
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