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I always laboured under the impression that the Israeli Air Force was one of the best in the world…

Saudi Arabian authorities have detained a vulture on suspicion of spying for Israeli intelligence agency Mossad – a charge Israel denies and calls Saudis to release the bird.

In what could spark tensions between the two Middle Eastern nations, Israel has accused Saudi Arabia of detaining a vulture on suspicion of it being a spy of the Jewish nation and urged Riyadh to release it soon.

Saudi Arabia has claimed that the bird was a spy working for Israeli intelligence agency – Mossad – a charge vehemently denied by the Jewish state.

Well, actually a secular state but whatever…

Meanwhile, Saudi residents and local media see this as a link to a “Zionist plot” since the large bird was carrying a GPS transmitter, which had tag that bore the Tel Aviv University’s identification code R65.

Oh, an R65! The very worst sort of Zionist bird! For fuck’s sake do the Saudis know how fucking pathetic they look? Would it be shocking for me to suggest the bird was tagged by Israel’s answer to Bill Oddie as part of an ecology research program? Anyway, it’s a vulture, not a true raptor so what the fuck the Saudis have their dish-dashas in a muddle over is beyond me. The distinction was explained to me at an owl sanctuary in Cumbria – presumably by a Mossad agent.

There is a serious point to this. Every now and again some facepalm story like this crops up in the Islamosphere. Whether it is the Teddy of Terror or the Vulture of Doom doesn’t matter. Birds you see have this ability, one might almost say a defining ability, which is flight. They fly. It is what they do. You want my take on this? The Saudis are trying to sound full-on Islam and despite the obvious facts are prepared to make utter bearded-tits (that’s Bill Oddie again) of themselves because they were ashamed by wikileaks which suggested they would not be averse to somebody (not them, obviously, for they are profoundly gay) bombing Iran. A load of F-15s, Tornado and Typhoon and a nutjob on the other side of the Gulf and all they can do is whistle Dixey out of their arseholes and (of course) blame Israel for inflicting upon them a bird. It is so Islamic. How the fuck does a polity of over a billion people manage to feel so inferior that it has to make drivel like this up and believe it? It really is that dismal. It’s sad. They can’t create, they can’t build so they make shit like that up and hike off to blow something up. Every misfortune of the Ummah, all billion-plus of them, is the fault of like 20 million front-wheels. Sad pathetic, dismal bastards. The last time someone wanted to seriously crimp my style it was 60-odd million Germans with a top-notch air force, not, and I repeat this, a fucking bird. Some kid in Kent with his Gramp’s BB-gun would have seen to that. As it happened the Krauts made a reasonable fist of it not like these twatters who are on their tit-ends being wheel-barrowed by deranged lunatics with beards you could lose an urban fox in. Even urban foxes are a Zionist conspiracy. You see something rootling through your bin in Mecca, it’s the four-wheels behind it I tells ya Ahmed! It’s not a fox, it’s a Mossad fox! Oh please do fox off! This is utter and supremely unmitigated shit.

It is an inferiority complex. They bought a crap religion and can’t take it back. They have two choices. Either they realize Muhammed was a balls to the wall fraudster and a generalised cunt and they call it a day and just have a pint or they carry on in increasing levels of derangement. They could even put the sodding bird on trial. “Are you a Jewish agent of the Zionist Entity?”, “Cark!”, “I think that testimony speaks volumes so the case for the prosecution rests”. Pathetic dismal cunts. I’d like a vulture in my garden – wouldn’t you? And if I clocked the tag I’d be on the horn, “Ari, me old china, I reckon we got one of yours… It’s a bit bitey. Oh fuck! It really is bitey!”

But seriously. The entire Furor Islamicus is based upon the fact that they sincerely believe they are Allah’s chosen but they look around them and see us (and like China) and how much more magnificent we are. How could Allah be so cruel? You had to go tee-total for that Empire of dirt? Perhaps because He doesn’t exist but that can’t be countenanced by the believers so it is all the fault of the yids – has to be the fault of someone natch? The entire faith is built on victimhood which is ironic seeing as Christianity is built on nothing but (and a hint of hellenism), but it took those foundations and created… Voyager 1 is in the heliosheath as I type. So basically do fuck off, Islam. There is an un-hijabed women on that bird and it’s past Neptune and doing 38,000 mph (it is not coming back). There is a fully nude lady on Pioneer so doubly fuck off. Intercept as many Zionist vultures as you like because the rest of us live in the real universe and the aliens will hear a welcome from Jimmy Carter and Kurt Waldheim (Sagan didn’t think this through did he?). Should have been Clint Eastwood.

We have sent stuff beyond Neptune carrying the music of Chuck Berry and Bach. Bach is boasting but fuck that! We did something – we insured our culture by firing it on a Titan IIIE to the stars. We launched a message to the cosmos. What the fuck have they done? They boast they have the direct line as to how to live life on Earth. Obviously that is majestic and they can avoid pork scratchings ’till the cows come home because on December 17th 1903 at Kill Devil Hill, North Carolina we kinda gave up on just that caper. The Saudis can keep the bird because the infinite skies belong to me and the F-16I Sufa. That is the storm that I believe in.

The rest is rot and bearded twat bothering.


  1. Lynne says:

    But Nick, what about the Sharm El Sheikh shark? You know, the one with Greetings from Tel Aviv stamped on its arse. If a shark and a vulture why not a camel? Those Mossad agents are really cunning bastards. If they manage to infiltrate with a camel, or even a goat, think of all the pillow talk they can pick up on…

  2. JuliaM says:

    Wait until they get this little birdie to sing! He or she might even turn stool-pigeon and blow the lid on the whole operation!

  3. NickM says:

    Are you really suggesting that because Shoddy Absurdia denies even the most basic rights to women (well beyond wearing a tent and making Jihadis) that chaps there can only find lasting love with ungulents. Really! On this blog! Can we get a p8icture of a goat in a burkha. Assuming the goat doesn’t eat the garment first. That would also be a good shot. I live near Manchester – the burkha will be easy, where do I get a goat?

    I don’t think vultures sing but then I didn’t think they carried out espionage either so one lives and indeed learns.

  4. RAB says:

    Ah them evil Jooos again eh?

    They already control the entire world via their Zionist conspiracy and are so smart knocking up a spy vulture would be a piece of piss for them. My name is Bird, James Bird…

    What the fuck do they think they have that anyone needs to spy on? Israel already has the serial numbers of every bit of military kit the Saudi’s possess, from the F-16′s to the Chieftain Tanks, because Britain and America sold it to them, and we share such information with our Israeli friends.

    They keep on being determined to show what a fuckwitted and bogus religion Islam is don’t they? Having fallen for big Mo’s cobbled together fantasies, they appear to be able to believe any old crap!

  5. Schrodinger's Dog says:

    This story reminds me of an incident that took place during the Napoleonic Wars near – I think – Newcastle, where a monkey was arrested on suspicion of being a French spy, tried and executed. But you’d have thought the Saudis might have learned something in the meantime.

  6. NickM says:

    That was Hartlepool and to this day they are known as “monkey hangers”. They hung a monkey. Thing is the frogs thought it might be a larf to dress the poor little fucker in a French Sailor Suit so when it washed ashore, clinging to the wreckage the poor little sod was tried and executed as a spy. I am a native of the North East. This was not our finest moment. Hartlepool is a fucking shithole to this day. I’m from Gateshead. And yeah, we still call ‘em “monkey hangers” because they hung a monkey. Admittedly a French monkey but they still hung a fucking monkey. Poor sod it was.

  7. NickM says:

    Moreover the poor little bugger made assorted hoots and monkey sounds. The honest fellows of Hartlepool thought it was speaking French. So they hung it.

  8. JuliaM says:

    ” I am a native of the North East. This was not our finest moment…”

    Surely it pales in comparison to electing Peter Mandelson?

  9. NickM says:

    Julia, it was Hartlepool that hung the monkey and Hartlepool that elected Mandelson. people from Sunderland look down on Hartlepool. It is an absolute shit-hole. My Grandmother (from East County Durham) regarded Hartlepool as a den of iniquity, She called them the “Triperos” because that allegedly is what they had for Sunday dinner. The only people who ever missed Hartlepool were the fucking Luftwaffe.

  10. john in cheshire says:

    And they wonder why some of us hate arabs. well, all muslims actually. or am i not able to use the word hate these days?

  11. dfwmtx says:

    Apparently “when sending in SR-31 spy vultures, be sure not to have any markings noting the bird comes from Israel” was not a subject covered in the “Protocols of the Elders of Zion” (aka: “Jews for Dummies”).

    And didn’t the US sell the Saudimites (ask Mr. lawrence about that moniker) an air defense system? Shouldn’t it have blown this spy vulture from the sky? Damn sneaky Jews; first they use a Stuxnet worm on the Iranians, now it’s spy vultures that are too stealthy for American technology. The next thing you know they’ll have goats spreading syphilis amongst the upper royal family members.

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