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The Tudors

I have dipped in and out of the BBC’s latest bodice-ripping yarn.

My history is sketchy but to quote my brother it was, “best bollocks”. It promised “scenes of a sexual nature” which if I’m honest is probably why I watched it.

Now about ten, fifteen years ago AA Gill the Sunday Times TV critic predicted that the first MSM outlet to show actual sex would be terrestrial broadcast TV. And he was right. Big Brother on C4 did show perfunctory bonking under a table. I have had more erotic dental appointments.

But in The Tudors the BBC out-did C4 in the Dutch auction. OK, so you see birds with their kit off but one of Henry VIII’s wives performs – I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I saw it – a shadow puppet play for the King which culminates in a female shadow puppet giving a male shadow puppet a blow-job.

It was one of those TV moments when you turn to your wife and give that look that says, “There wasn’t LSD in the risotto was there?”. I mean it was just weird. It managed to be both vaguely obscene but not sexy and risible but not funny.

Yup, shadow puppet oral sex.

Thanks to the unique way the BBC is funded.

The rest of the show was drivel as well. My wife, who knows more of that sort of history than me, thought it was all over the place. The costumes were good though.


  1. Paul Marks says:

    They get lots of stuff wrong.

    To be fair I have heard that some of the mistakes are deliberate.

    For example Henry was a very big and strong man – so they make a bit weedy (they even have losing a wrestleing match with the King of France [right at the start of the series] which he actually won).

    The message of the whole series is “Henry is a bad man” (well yes he was “a very bad man”) so we are going to present him as bit of a weed as well. Ah what? How does that work?

    Are big strong men automatically good guys then?

    As for the sex show.

    Henry was actually a bit of a prude (Ian B. would have a field day on this point – and he might be right). Murdering people was O.K. (if he could dress it up a legal), so was torture and lying and …….

    But oral sex puppets – no he would not have been very happy with that.

    I did not see the episode (I have not watched the show in a long time), but my guess is they are doing the “Catherine Howard sex kitten” thing (is that the wife they are on to by now?).

    The real Catherine Howard was a rather tragic figure – but there we go.

  2. NickM says:

    I think it was Catherine Howard but as I said it is all over the place and was primarily about us seeing her obviously MTA body in the “tasteful nip” – small tits but no minge – and the ludicrous puppet show. It sort of reminded me of “Rome” which made “Life of Brian” look like a serious study of classical civilization*. It is possible, though not as easy as you might think, to manage to be obscene without being in the slightest way arousing. Both “Rome” and “The Tudors” managed it.

    *Biggus Dickus “Wanking higher than any in Wome” and all that. He has a wife you know… Throw him to the floor Centurion!

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