I think we have an early contender for arguably the most ludicrous excuse of 2011.
Now we all know the lurid story about former Sky Sports presenters Andy Gray (if true that is sheer class) and Richard Keys and their quite incredibly sexism which frankly would have shamed a ’70s Uzbek sitcom. The simple truth is the two of ‘em had to bite the bullet because… Well, I dunno the figures but in this century anecdotally a very large number of women both watch and take part in football and Gray and Keys are quite simply Cretaceous and embarrassing. It really was that bad. I mean it’s the sort of thing a dodgy uncle says at a wedding after a few too many lagers than are strictly speaking good for him. So on the face of it Gray and Keys heading to the dole office is nothing but a pair of daft twats paying the price of being daft twats who work in the media. I mean if they had said it down the boozer then fine, whatever. Everyone would think them a pair of daft twats but that is hardly against the law otherwise we’d have one hell of a prison over-crowding problem.
Da media is different though because you have to toe the line. Gray was on GBP1.7m and quite frankly for those sponds I would make a plausible case that black was white (unless I was Big Fat Ron, obviously). As a Newcastle fan I think I might even manage it. So they weren’t just sexist (though they were) but completely fucking stupid. I mean you have to be to torch such a job with a rant about how having a womb means you in principle know nowt about footie and base that rant on a female linesman actually getting the call right.
But… Well, lots of people get sacked for being completely fucking stupid. But not Richard Keys… Not that simples (said the meerkat). Richard Keys blamed “Dark Forces” and not simply his own pignorance and idiocy. Dark Forces? All I can say is that fills me with hope. Morgoth, Darth Vader, Satan are now conspiring to get football pundits sacked rather than bring about the downfall of humanity. That’s good, right, because clearly it means the serious bad ‘uns are struggling with the recession same as the rest of us and are having to downsize.
Dark Forces? It is truly pathetic. Especially for whatever putative Sauronic power that was allegedly behind this wicked plot. How far indeed have the mighty truly fallen.