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Cheese Eating Revisionist Monkeys

Today, the French, the ungrateful wretches, are having a revisionist conference about the Battle of Agincourt. Their historians apparently claim the English weren’t that outnumbered, that the French were “heroic” and moreover that we didn’t play nice with them. Diddums.

In fact they’re accussing us of “war crimes”. Yup, 593 years after a battle which occured 449 years before the adoption of the first Geneva Convention they’re carping about war crimes! Losers.

Frankly, there is only one appropriate response and we all know that gesture…

PS. Today is St Crispin’s Day. I hope you shall all raise a glass to King Harry and his lads tonight!


  1. RAB says:

    Raise a glass? I’m opening a bottle of “Sparkling Wine”.
    There’s one at the back of the cupboard somewhere.
    Yes folks us Brits invented Champaigne too, or at least the bottles that facilitated it, without which they would have no domain name to speak of cos they would all have gone pop on the cellar floor.
    We wuz within a hairsbreath of owning the whole of France back then, but H.V. popped his clogs a year too early.
    It is never wrong to loath the French, they make it so easy for the rest of us. Only French revisionist historians invited you’ll notice.

    I had two French aunts (dead now) who hated their fellow countrymen with a vengance. That’s why they chose to live in Wales from 1940 onwards.

    They pitched up in Caerphilly, aged 15 and 17, when their Dad, a mayor of a town near Calais could see the way things were going with the war, and wanted his daughters safe from what he well remembered the atrocities the Germans has perpetrated in the First World War.
    They were sent to stay with their Aunt who had married a Welsh Tommy she fell in love with then.

    He, in the meantime set about organising a resistance cell. We still have copies of BBC recordings of messages sent to his group as early as 1941.

    So if these revisionist tossers want to go back over history, let them have a look at that more recent conflict.

    Mais Oui ! we were all in the Resistance!

    No you fuckin wern’t! Most of them were happy to collaborate in Occupied Northern France, till the wind changed in 1944. My aunts dad was grassed up by Communists in 1943 and only got away by the skin of his teeth. They couldn’t fight a straightforward war of resistence you see ,without arguing amongst themselves.
    As for Vichy, fuck me!
    They were even more efficient at getting Jews on cattle trucks and heading for the Camps than the Germans in the North.

    So yeah, “Pop” thanks for the wine. But even that wasn’t your idea my little Froggy friends, was it?
    The Greeks and the Romans were way ahead of you.
    As for the food. Well I can think of about five countries whose food is/was better,
    and that includes Medieval English.

  2. CountingCats says:

    Does that mean they are going to apologise for William the Bastard and every English Government since?

  3. CountingCats says:


    Thanks for the visit. I have been an occasional visitor to your site for years, even if I do dislike the Nationals intensely.

  4. Counting Cats,

    Your Journal recently came to my attention through references at Devil’s Kitchen – strange to discover an Australian site through a UK Aethernet Journal.

    By the way I am not that fanatical a National supporter – my main motivation has been “at least they are not the Liberals”.

    And as for the Frogs – I look forward for the conferences on how Napoleon wasn’t all that great a general.

  5. NickM says:

    Normandy wasn’t the same as France. So that’s a side topic.

    Right on Vichy. Right on the resistance. If you go to the D-Day museuem in Normandy it gives the impression that the French liberated themselves. I think you’re a bit harsh about the Commies though because pretty much everywhere also had a communist resistance. We had SOE, the Yanks had OCD (or something) so d’ya think Uncle Joe wouldn’t have been keeping up with the Churchills and Roosevelts? I mean he just so wasn’t one to stick his oar in where it wasn’t wanted was he?

    The most disgracefully Frogular incident of the war though was the action of their navy moored in North Africa. We told ‘em they had two options: join us or sail to a neutral port and they dithered (should we be loyal to Vichy?) so we sank the whole bally lot of them. And we really needed ships then. We ended up positively fellating FDR for them. We lost an Empire and utterly bankrupted ourselves partly out of slef-preservation and partly to free Europe and what thanks do we get?

    We’re gonna be coming under pressure soon (real pressure) to pay reperations for the slave trade. You know the thing we expended blood and treasure on actually ending. And that Africa place is somewhere were British aid money is unknown.

    The whole world has had a boating mishap in Egypt and are sitting there thinking “What have the British ever done for us?”

  6. Sunfish says:

    There’s a perfectly reasonable answer to anybody who demands reparations for the slave trade: it rhymes with “Bite my shiny metal ass.”

    Maybe G.I. Joe and Tommy Adkins and a bunch of Free French and Poles and so on just got drunk and fell over the side of the boat and washed up on shore the next morning. Although I get the impression that the people in Normandy don’t share in the rectal haberdashery of, say, Paris.

    As for “What have the British ever done for us?” How about cuisine that’s the envy of the world and a public health system that’s the envy of, well, at least the Democrat party? ;-B

  7. CountingCats says:

    Normandy wasn’t the same as France. So that’s a side topic

    True, but the King of France was the feudal overlord of the Duke of Normandy, even if France itself wasn’t involved in the Invasion.

  8. Sunfish says:

    As long as California/Australia/Chile/New Zealand/South Africa/western Colorado have grapes, we can drink.

    And something creepy just occurred to me: Has anybody ever compared the relative prosperity of former colonies of the UK, vs. France and Spain?

    I wouldn’t want to suggest that Canada and Australia and New Zealand and the US are perfectly fit places to live, whereas Haiti and Syria are freaking holes and Bolivia is badly troubled. Except that I’m suggesting exactly that. (Any weisenheimer mentions Rhodesia and I’m flinging this bowl of oatmeal at him.)

    Anyway, I’m going to go murder some helpless ‘flying kittens.’ Back in a few hours.

  9. Andrew Duffin says:

    If they’re going to do this for every French military defeat, it may take some time…

  10. El Draque says:

    There used to be a googlewhack for “French military victories”. Google that, and it denies there ever were any and diverts you to a site listing “French military defeats”.
    Scores of them. They only win when someone else does the fighting.
    Genuine fact: the French air force was larger at the end of the German blitzkrieg in 1940 than at the beginning. Deliveries from the factories outnumbered casualties.

    Has France paid reparations to Algeria for the repression of the rebellion in the 1950s?
    I genuinely don’t know.

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